The year is 2026, I’m booting up CM13, my favorite server from the medieval grimfart simulator list. Ofcourse, I drop on Lv-426, my favorite map for the last 10 years, when out of the dark comes a ravager. I shoot my gun and it jams after the third bullet, forcing me to wait 10 seconds to shoot again when it’s my turn, my spotify playlist is exploding in my ear, the ravager then charges at us and I die instantaneously when it hits me with a single aoe gut ripper before a rouny disarm spams my SL into the darkness never to be seen again for the next 3 hours.
After this single encounter five minutes into the round, I luckily only suffered from 3 fractures, and the Medic was able to defib me before the 30 second timer ran out. He fixes my IB as much as he could, which is about half now after the nerfs, but it’s enough to get me to the LZ after 10 minutes because I’m walking at half speed (heavy armor is important to stay alive). At that point I sit at FOB for another 10 minutes, and the real fun begins.
I ride the dropship, and tune into my favorite song, invisible by oingo boingo or whatever. After all, every dropship ride is now 5 minutes long to give xenos a chance to deal with recovered marines. I also take this time to go on the forums and type out the next big silly number in the numbers thread.
Once I arrive to the medbay, I’m greeted with my mandatory medbay roleplay session, I have to submit my insurance papers (provided by Wey-yu) and once it gets denied I have to pay out of pocket through an extensive in game paper documentation process that I have to fax to the new insurance agent whitelister.
After 30 minutes, I get my surgeries approved, and the doctor gives me a solid 15 minute procedure, courtesy of the new medbay rework. Lucky for me, the scout specialist got recommended an autodoc visit where his character is put into stasis until the next round.
Thankfully, It wasn’t necessary, the victory jingle plays, it turns out we had won in the short time I went up. Thank Feweh.
I’m so happy, I get up and start kissing my poster of the glorious predator leader and comrade Joe. My legs are kicking with excitement at this point, “Gosh, today just couldn’t get better!”
As I open the curtains I’m greeted by lore friendly content as my poster depicting New York with towers drawn in crayon is covering my window. Within moments I’m standing in the middle of my room doing the Mexican Breakfast in front of my pc, careful not to let the exposed wires touch my chassis as it would ignite the cardboard.
“Today was a CM day.” I say out loud, before booting up another game of the roleplay nectar. Unable to contain my excitement, I go into the CM discord, the real one, I open up one of the furry servers and type out cat noises and within moments everyone with a senator or moderator tag starts pinging me in unison, asking me when I’m going to make a whitelist application. My friends are so cool and welcoming!
Then I join their voice chat where they’re all watching one player play fortnite as we all agree that zoomers are all lame losers. Finally, I hit ready in CM and decide to look at the changelog. EGADS!
After scrolling down and going through 4 pages of new predator content, I find they’ve added a new gun, a single bullpup pistol with a single mag in a closed off part of LV 624. I’m absolutely shocked, shooken to the core. I open up a github and outcry the hellish balance before properly balancing the pistol, now it does 2 damage to xenomorphs instead of 3 per bullet. Ofcourse I counterbalance this by giving the bullet the new add_slur_var, that makes any marine hit with it immediately spout a naughty word and get a three hour ban (the latest in FF technology).
The third ban, however, turns into a permanent ban, where they have to apologize profusely to the token forum moderator with an icon of softcore pornography of an Amongus character.
I’m home. Colonial Marines. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
peak medbay gameplay, have a hugged person fill out paperwork before larvae removal surgery