CM Amateur Dramatics Society

Hi I’m Troy McClure Herr. You may remember me from such threads as, ‘Help My Father is a Synth’, and ‘ARES: The Silent Killer’. In all communities such as ours the only way to ward off the erosion of its Longevity is through innovation and creativity.

As this graph shows, the less a group engages in creative activities, the closer they come to TOTAL COLLAPSE. And the trend is IRREVERSIBLE.

Just ask this scientician and he’ll tell you invariably all communities require an amateur dramatics society to cultivate a healthy culture based on music, art, and comedic entertainment.

“Uhh?”

So, now you know. The best defense against the collapse of SS13-CM is artist expression. So go forth and create!

Here is my first contribution to our Cultural Revolution.

-The Greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core-

My fellow Marines, good morning.

[Sir, good morning!]

I hear there’s foes to quell.

[To quell; our orders?]

My orders are to fix bayonet, and greet
the enemy at the fore.

[We’ll do you proud, sir!]

I’m the greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core,

[And your record will stand as proof]

When I’m calling an OB
or overseeing a BE,
I always work with efficiency

[When he’s calling an OB
or overseeing a BE,
he always works with efficiency]

Though when drilling raw recruits,
I’ve them quaking in their boots,
it’s something of a specialty

I am never known to fail
when leading our detail,
and I never never stop for tea.

[What never?]

No never

[What never?]

Well… hardly ever!

[He hardly ever stops for tea]

[Give a gun salute
and one shot more
to the greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core]

[Give a gun salute
and one shot more
to the greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core]

I do my very best to uphold Ma-rines Law.

[And we’re very very glad you do]

I’m always ready to regale,
the Marines with a tale
to bolster their morale.

[He’s always ready to regale,
the Marines with a tale
to bolster their morale]

I always push the advance,
never faltering in my stance
even when gassed by a Boiler-E;

though “fall back” I may
occasionally say,
I never never turn to flee.

[What never?]

No never.

[What never?]

Well… hardly ever!

[He hardly ever turns to flee!]

[Give a gun salute
and one shot more
to the greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core!]

[Give a gun salute
and one shot more
to the greatest Captain of the Ma-rines Core!]

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I am the very model of a modern major general! - YouTube Seems fitting.

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Next we are doing Henry the V and Julius Caesar. Shakespeare’s best.

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Great song! Haven’t heard it in a long time

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(For context: There’s likely members who don’t know much about the original Planet of the Apes. It’s been over 40 years since it came out so I think that’s enough time for spoilers. In place of the Statue of Liberty reveal at the end of the first film, we have here the remains of the ALMAYER, which acts as a similar realization point; The ALMAYER’s previous dominant species, the MP’s, have been made redundant and has since been taken over by the Marines.
This is based off of a Simpsons episode.)

Planet of the Grapes

  • Opening set -

Marine 1:
Help the MP’s about to escape!

MP:
Get your hands off me you dirty Grape!

Marine 4:
He can talk!?

Marine 1, 2, 3:
He can talk, he can talk, he can talk, he can talk!

MP:
I can siiiiing!

Nurse:
Ooh, help me Doctor Zaius.

Marine 1,2,3:
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Ooh, Doctor Zaius.

Marine 2:
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.

MP:
What’s wrong with me?

Doctor Zaius:
I think you’re a skivvy.

MP:
Want a second opinion.

Doctor Zaius:
You’re also squiffy.

Marine 1,2,3:
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.
Ooh, Doctor Zaius.

Marine 2:
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius.

MP:
Can I stop a mutiny anymore?

Doctor Zaius:
Of course you can.

MP:
Well I couldn’t before.

  • Closing set -

MP:
I hate every Grape I see, from Blueberr-A to Blueberr-E.
No you’ll never make a Deltard out of me.

(Wreckage reveal)

MP:
Oh my god, I was wrong.
It was the ALMAYER all along.
You’ve finally made a Deltard-

Marines:
Yes we’ve finally made a Deltard-

MP:
Yes you’ve finally made a Deltard out of me!
(Together)
Marines:
Yes we’ve finally made a Deltard out of you!

MP:
I love you Doctor Zaius!

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Give this man the Amateur CM Emmy for Dramatics.

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