@stinvals and I approve this post for entry into the Thread.
Who’s going to tell them
3 Likes
It’s okay. Perfecly within the realm of angry shitposts.
It aint me.
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Details
Someone took my preround marine copypast and fucking xenofied it. Day is ruined.
Okay sisters, I want this to go nice & clean, nice & clean. We need for you lot to evolve to all the important castes. Queen is a must, appoint some hive leaders too. Spare the young drone ot being the immature queen for a third round straight! Front, evolve to warriors and unique T3s before drop. Don’t need any of that midround “Where’s boiler? RAV HIVE” bullshit. Drones! Give me some of these healers, and a gardener one. Pair of runners for hauling the caps too. Backline - full of sisters roundstart. Need survs & smalls capped before skytalls deployment. Hivelords, give me cave defenses and backline hive, to cap the entire IO force for bursts. CARRIER! Huggers are a NEEDED! Gotta infest these marines with some embryos down on the frontline, and fucking manage the hive’s numbers. QM needed too to manage the mind we get, cause fuck you, we’re not wasting more larvas on you, cause you missed your pounce and got PB’d by a private. ALRIGHT EVERYBODY, ARE YOU READY? LET’S ROCK!
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You know, it’s quite frankly crazy how much this “Zion Barnes” Captain griefs the entire marine force and gets away with it. I mean, seriously! He drops an OB on the entire marine front and ONLY plays on Shivas and whatever god piss poor map there is to almost guarantee defeat, and quite frankly. It’s almost sickening how the admins merely laugh in humor as Mr. Barnes does this. Admins, if you’re reading this, expect a staff report in the future. Meanwhile, Bob Cross who did absolutely nothing wrong is job-banned for mere actions, who was unironically right to form a killsquad. The double standard is quite frankly, mindblowing. Quite frankly, quite frankly, quite frankly. Zion Barnes, if you’re reading this, I hope you turn away from your heretical actions.
5 Likes
BOB CROSS!!!
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[This message can only be viewed with CM battle pass]
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ADD BOB CROSS TO CM BATTLE PASS!
this round would be nice if the CMO didnt let me perma after i killed the queen.. while he had 4 minutes to heal me up, not only did he fail to heal me up but he also ODDED ME ON FUCKING KELO, and abandoned me when i had 258 burn, i think we should jobban them from CMO and make them play nurse for 150 hours, what do you guys think? thatd be a appropriate punishment for the inability to do the most BASIC medical shit ever like no seriously even a goddamn BRAVOID knows how to treat burns, and you as a CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER, THE GUY IN CHARGE OF MEDICAL, DONT KNOW HOW TO TREAT BURNS? YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO SUTURE AND KIT??? balds go play rifleman for 500 hours before playing important roles PLEASE im tired of BALDS in CIC and in roles that DECIDE THE OUTCOME OF THE ROUND
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A combination of all the HEFA texts I could find, besides the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
And so the Holy Lord of HEFA said, pull the pin of the Holy Hand Grenade and throw it at thine enemies, and I shall bless thine soul forever more in eternal bliss, amen! Praised be thee, reverend Clearsmire who has brought us into the light of the shrapnel! Sworn to the holy service of the HEFA lord are we, and while few, we are the voices of the silent many! Sworn to the shrapnel and the shards therein. So sayeth her command when the first detonation occured.
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WAR 
ruined 
the ENTIRE ROUND, 
as 
usual! This is 
absolutely diabolical. FIRST she 
didnt 
roll 
queen, 
giving it 
away to a 
very very 
new 
queen, then 
she 
watched 
as xenos die around her 
and 
killed them 
personally, afterwards she FAILED 
TO PROTECT 
THE 
QUEEN, WHICH 
GOT KILLED 
BY 
A FUCKING 
HEDP GRENADE! We need 
to 
do 
something about 🏼 this, 
we cant 
let WAR 
keep ruiing rounds like 
this, 
the entire server is 
going 
to collapse in 
on it’s head!
4 Likes
I like it. Cheers Bro!
THE ROADMAP OF 2025 WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE US. MULTI-Z! REFACTORED AIR! FLUFF GEAR FOR EVERY ROLE! BUT ALL WE GOT WERE THREE UNMERGED BRANCHES, TWO BROKEN MAP LOADERS, AND A 10 TRILLION CLOSED PRS MILESTONE WITH A PINNED MESSAGE: “WAIT FOR THE NEXT REFACTOR.” CODERS VANISHED INTO THE VOID, WHISPERING ABOUT GC LOOPS AND DEFERRED CALLS, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. ONE OF THEM TRIED TO FIX VENDOR UI AND LOST HIS SANITY IN THE PROCESS.
THE MILITARY POLICE WERE ADDED TO “PROVIDE STRUCTURE.” INSTEAD THEY BECAME AN ARMY OF RED TAPE AND RUBBER BULLETS. THEY WROTE 12-PAGE INCIDENT REPORTS FOR WEEDING THE LZ WITHOUT A PERMIT. THE CMP GOT A BATON BUFF THAT LET HIM STUN XENOS “FOR BALANCE PURPOSES” WHILE THE REST OF US GOT PERMABANNED FOR SAYING “GG” IN OOC DURING ROUND END.
THE SADAR NERF TURNED ANTI-TANK INTO ANTI-FUN. NO ARC, NO RELOAD SPEED, AND A 3% CHANCE TO ACTUALLY HIT A MOVING TARGET. BUT THE QUEEN SCREECH BUFF? NOW THAT’S CONTENT. SHE SCREECHES THROUGH WALLS. THROUGH TIME. THROUGH DEATH. IF YOU DIE TO IT, YOU DC. IF YOU SURVIVE, YOU WAKE UP AS A CRUSHED MARINE RAGDOLL ON Z-2 WITH NO LIMBS.
80% XENO WINRATE GOAL WASN’T AN AIM - IT WAS A DECLARATION OF WAR. AND THEY GOT IT. MARINES NOW ARRIVE WITH SPIT-RESISTANT GEAR THAT DOESN’T WORK, MAPS DESIGNED LIKE MAZES MADE OF SLOWS, AND GUNS THAT JAM IF YOU TYPE “RELO” INSTEAD OF “RELOAD.” BALANCE? BALANCE IS WHEN THE QUEEN HAS A TELEPORT DASH AND THE MARINE HAS A KNIFE WITH A 12-SECOND COOLDOWN.
IDEAGUYS ROAM THE FORUMS, FERAL, HALF-FUSED TO THEIR DEVNOTES. ONE OF THEM SUBMITTED A 40-PAGE TREATISE ON WHY MORTAR TEAMS NEED A SECONDARY LOVE INTEREST. IT GOT MERGED. MEANWHILE, CHANGELOGS NOW COME IN ANCIENT TONGUE, WITH NOTES LIKE “TWEAKED JUMP PACK META” AND “FIXED A THING MAYBE.” THE PR GOT CLOSED WITH “WORKS LOCALLY,” WHICH IT DIDN’T.
IN THE END, WE’RE JUST HERE. PLAYING. DYING. QUEUEING. FILING AHELP TICKETS ABOUT THE MP THAT ARRESTED US FOR HAVING A SCOPED GUN ON DELTA. NOBODY ANSWERS. HEADMODS ARE BUSY IN DEVCHAT, FIGHTING OVER WHETHER THE NEXT POWERCREPT KIT SHOULD HAVE A BUILT-IN FLARE LAUNCHER OR A DRONE SUMMON BUTTON. THE SERVER STILL RUNS. THE LZ STILL BURNS. AND THE CODERS? THE CODERS WATCH.
3 Likes
Slow Claps Well done sir. This is gold.
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This. Is art.
1 Like
I started to make an archive for the copypasta megathread but I’m having trouble categorizing them.
Replace Bilbo with whatever Bravo player does something that round.
In the middle of the Neroid in the ship called Almayer
Lives a brave little fobbit whom we all admire.
With his long metal rifle,
Fuzzy, woolly hat,
He lives in a fobbit-hole and everybody knows him
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He’s only five foot four
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little fobbit of them all
Now fobbits are a peace-lovin’ folks you know
They’re never in a hurry and they take things slow
They don’t like to travel away from home
They just want to cade and be left alone
But one day Bilbo was asked to go
On a big adventure to the caves below,
To help some deltas get back their lead
That was stolen by a runner in the days of old.
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He’s only five foot four
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little fobbit of them all
Well he fought with the Xenos!
He battled a Rav!!
He riddled with CLF!!!
A lunge mine he stole!!!
He was chased by MPs!!
Lost in the backline!!!
Escaped in a coffin from the queen’s hive!!!
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little fobbit of them all
Now he’s back in his home in the land of the FOB,
That brave little fobbit whom we all admire,
Just a-sittin’ on a treasure of medals and eggs
A-puffin’ on his cigs in his fobbit-hole.
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He’s only five foot four
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little fobbit of them all
2 Likes
This is gold. Well done sir.