Copypasta megathread

I own a 2 bore for ship defense, since that’s what the founding developers intended. Four Marsoc break into my ship. “What the devil?” As I grab my powdered wig and 2bore rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my mateba on the second man, miss him entirely because it’s smoothbore and nails the CO’s cat. I have to resort to the OT C4 mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with ANFO, “Tally ho lads” the explosion shreds the two Marsoc, and the additonal explosions kill 10 marines in the blast. Gave a move order and decapped the last terrified rapscallion with my machete. He dies out waiting on the aheal to arrive since decap wounds are impossible to stim away. Just as the founding developers intended.


I absolutely love Hijack Gaming! The tension and excitement that comes with the constant threat of a Xenomorph attack is what makes it so thrilling. It’s an adrenaline rush that keeps me on my toes and engaged throughout the entire experience.

Sure, it can be challenging, but that’s what makes it so rewarding when we manage to fend off the Xenomorphs and come out victorious. It’s a true test of teamwork and communication, and I love seeing how my fellow Marines and I can work together to overcome the odds.

As a RO, I find it exciting to be responsible for moving crucial supplies and equipment to our holdout locations, and it adds an extra layer of strategy to the game. And even though we know hijack scenarios are a possibility, it never gets old when it actually happens. It’s a rush of excitement, and I’m always ready to defend my ship and my crewmates.

I think the infinite Xenomorph respawns add to the challenge and keep us on our toes. And while it can be tough for the Marines, it’s also a testament to the strength and resilience of the Xenomorphs.

Overall, I wouldn’t want to play this game without Hijack scenarios. It’s what sets it apart from other games and makes it truly unique. It’s an integral part of the experience, and I wouldn’t change a thing.


What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Colonial Marines, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on CLF, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in specialist weaponry and I’m the top sniper in the entire USCM. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Orion nebula and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Colonial Marines and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.


Xeno version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you little bitch? We’ll have you know we evolved from the royal jelly of the Queen Mother herself and we’ve been involved in numerous secret hives on LV-624, and we have over 300 confirmed caps. We are trained in cave warfare and we are the most proficient lurker in the entire hive. You are nothing to us but just another potential cap. We will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this galaxy, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the tall hivemind? Think again, fucker. As we speak we are contacting our secret network of facehuggers and combat larvae across Lazarus Landing and your location is being resin marked right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can pounce you from over seven hundred yards, and that’s just with our claws. Not only are we extensively trained in clawed combat, but we have access to the entire arsenal Queen Mother has gifted us and we will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the jungle, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. We will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.


is just stupid how unless you have 40 macros set up and 3 wifi routers, you can’t win as a MOBA xeno, combo gameplay completely shits on xenos and doesn’t work in SS13 at all. Especially when all marines have to do is ‘unga point and click’, 0 skill requirement. Most xeno strains now need a PhD in that exact strain and the sheer grace of god to do well with CM’s lag. These marine biased dev’s just keep fucking around with xeno’s meta thinking they can turn the gameplay into Smash Bro’s Ultimate without playing a single xeno round themselves. A year ago xenos actully had some weight to them but now I gotta do A+B+X+Y+Z+A+Y Combo move to fucking sneeze on a marine let alone do: any damage. This shit aint working on a 20 year old 2d space man game that turns into a powerpoint slideshow after 10 minutes of gameplay. Give us our fucking stuns and instant damage back dev’s otherwise xenomains will go on strike and you can have fun balancing a 100% marine


the anti-APC cabal has FINALLY done it. From the millions of gallons of copium consumed through countless rounds of EMBEDDING agents into VC ranks to softgrief marines and secretly taking out the most robust VCs, they have finally gotten their wish. APC has been unsung hero of marines, the very BACKBONE of the marine push yet the only valid argument these BRAINDEAD MOTHERFUCKERS can spout out is “U-uhm 3x3 b-box bad!!!11”. Every single one of their arguements have been debunkeed yet these gay babied continue to push forward to streamline the game further. Soon we won’t have dropships anymore. Research,medical, and OTs will be removed and replaced with simpler alternatives. Oh and all the “cM VeTEranS” supporting are either GIGACUCKS, hacked accounts,neverplayers or both. It’s so fucking sad seeing a game you once cherished devolve into this, where the playerbase has been gentrified to the point where some guy who joined 4 months ago with a FURRY PFP can run feature removals with 0 pushback. CM HAS FALLEN


I was reading my old forums posts and they were cringe has helll…

Found this on a Acid Goop Admin manager app I did in those time

Ya, Grimcad keeps jerking my chain along and every time I try to bring up important moderator shit all he does is talk about dungeons and dragons or other dumb boomer shit. I got tired of having to ask permission, so I just had one of my moderator children teach me how to edit ban.txt and admin.txt properly so I can unban all these shitheads who keep crying.

As moderator manager I get zero respect from any of the heads, admins, and moderators. Everyone just thinks I’m a fucking joke and respond to everything with OK BOOMER, or ask me to play some stupid MOBA blizzard game with them. All people on CM do is spam me with “GUESS WHAT UR MOD DID” or “PLZ FIX MOD” or cry “PLZ UNBAN ME AND REMOVE NOTE :PUPPYEYES:”

I put my heart and soul into this community, and all I do is get shit on, and ignored and everyone wonders WHY I AM SO ANGRY ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Whitelists dont take me seriously, Bancrose doesn’t take me seriously, even muffinman thinks Im a fucking joke.

It is time I ascend and have my revenge against these fools who tried to keep me down.

My name is Edgaydo



I am also an Alpha Male. 10/10, shredded, extremely charismatic alpha male here. I get you low status people want to know why i’m here, but i’ll spare you the details. You gamers are probably too Lazy to read them anyway. I’m an Alpha male, as I stated before. Men respect me, and women lust for me. It’s normal in my life for a woman who’s my Waitress at a restaurant to write her number on my receipt, while i’m leaving dinner with a Different girl. Sound amazing? Well it is. to you, of course. to Me, its just another day. #blessed But as I was saying, why I’m here. I’m here because i like to believe im a charitable guy, so I figure i’ll give you a Few pointers on life: work out 8 days a Week, kill your dog (its just a distraction), dont wipe your ass (let your smell Remind you of your goals), and kiss every guy at the gym who’s bigger than you (to assert dominance).


GUYS I WANT TO SAY HOW I ABSOLUTELY LOVE PLAYING IO , IO IS SO FUCKING GOOD IDEA FOR RP AND GAMEPLAY , ONLY ISSUE IT BEING THAT INTEL POINTS ARE NOT USED I LOVE INTEL , BECAUSE INTEL IS BEST THING IN THE WORLD. like mkore seriously. it allows players to divert from playing xenos or uh… yknow , being typuical unga in fight (while ocassionaly fun) allows for more RP and more depth gameplay. however bigest problem is that CO or XO dont really use the points. also , giving IO MP immunity is als A MUST , given MP can just shit out a reason to arrest them (MP’s are like Xenos but worse) , so generally IO’s should be more prevalent in round given WY and USCM NEED assets to justify using more expensive gear. i think also LOCKING more powerful gear over Intel wall would be good idea so Marines need to GET intel , this would also prolong rounds and make them more enjoyable and HRP , because we need more HRP than anything other , like seriously i love IO’s and i would really love to see them grow in importance especially given their own new room , also Ensigns they should not be ensigns there are no more engisng s, i can’t wait them to make new addition to game , god damn i waited since october last eyar to IO’s to come back , i love IO’s so much , they are so good i love them. and you know what i love more? intel , intel is fun and all , but generally i think there should be more objectives like bringing back power or something , like giving IO’s place to make sure its not DESTROYED or even do fun stuff such as special events , damn i would love IO idea to be even further implemented and I LOVE doing comptuer disks and intel , it makes me feel like real IO’s i love IO’s as they are best thing that happened to earth , they are even more adorable than PVT’s. :smiley:


Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I’m pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash. However Katanas are no match for powerful lurker mains which are never represented properly in game. You know that scene where bishop is torn apart? That wasn’t the queen but that was a LURKER USER with a single slash, yes a MILITARY GRADE SYNTH gibbed like that with a single solitary slash. Imagine what it takes to kill a marine? A light tap even. However because the devs and marine mains are too afraid of putting lore friendly lurkers, we have to deal with them gutting the TRUE combat abilities for gay baby abilities that no one likes because they are not salty but they are AFRAID. This just shows that lurkers are the epitome of RP and Lurker Team six should solely be in charge of balancing it, if it needs any balance at all.


That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in CM-SS13 right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.


The government is lying to you. Don’t you realize? This is all just a massive ploy in there game to secure a Xeno major monopoly over the game. Chyler never even existed! She is just a bunch of FBI agents all cooped up in one office taking turns playing her character and making batshit insane decisions! This is all so obvious now! The signs were there all along!


I used the shotgun. You know why? Cause the shotgun doesn’t miss, and unlike the shitty L42 it stops a xeno in their tracks in two hits. Bang, bang, and they’re fucking done. I use four shots just to make damn sure. Because, once again, I’m not there to coddle a buncha xeno scum sucking bugs, I’m there to 1) Survive the fucking round. 2) Guard the colony. So you can absolutely get fucked. If I get unbanned, which I won’t, you can guarantee I will continue to use the shotgun to apprehend xenos. Because it’s quick, clean and effective as fuck. Why in the seven hells would I fuck around with the 10x24mm shots, which take half a clip just to bring someone down, or with the grenades which are slow as balls, impossible to aim and do about next to jack shit, fuck all. The shotgun is the superior marine enforcement weapon. Because it stops aliens. And it stops aliens by reducing the number of xenos roaming the fucking colony.

As it stands now, xenos are allowed to prance around doing whatever the fuck demented, sick shit they feel like, yet the USCM has to toe the line and be the ‘good guy’ while getting fucking murdered in the process. Fuck that. Fuck that right in the god damned eyes and squish 'em into a paste, that’s garbage. That’s a sack of shit.


I am EXHAUSTED and tired of metal foam grenades, I just spent an hour of my life to play a xeno round where i FINALLY evolve to a boiler after hours upon hours of being told that “it’s not the meta” and “praetorian supremacy” only for the round i finally get boiler to end with a CRUSH because of metal foam grenades. NOT ONCE HAVE I SEEN SOMETHING SO OVERPOWERED, not only does it block xenos for 10 minutes, talls can INSTANTLY remove it with their hands. I don’t even think I want to play xeno at this point until metal foam is banned, how can a metal foam that big come from a grenade the size of a finger? A marine should not be able to solo a 50 foot tall creature alone using some metal foam that SOMEHOW they remove instantly, how is that HRP, MRP, or even LRP alone? Yeah, Devs need to get onto this, I suggest they start making changes or they lose me.

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Honestly, ice colony is perhaps one the best and most underrated maps on Colonial Marines. People don’t realize just much tactical planning goes into the command involved in the round. It teaches command how to properly coordinate squads while at the same time building a healthy connectioning between the SLs and the squads who have to learn the map and rely on eachother wherever needed to achieve victory. It isn’t supossed to be easy, victory isn’t sweet, it’s about being good, ice colony teaches that better then any other map


I am being captured, and request to be killed via FF(friendly fire) to prevent said capture.
You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below:
How am I supposed to help you from being captured?
Shoot me 4-5 times with your primary weapon, or until I am dead.
How will this help you?
I will be able to continue my round, through way of not being stuck in the hive adding to the number of xenos.
Should I shoot the xeno instead?
No; the damage required to prevent me from being capped is significantly lower if you shoot me instead, if you shoot the xeno it may infact succeed in the capture and remove me from the round.
Do I ahelp for permission?
No. By the time that is done I will already be captured.
What are the consequences me preventing your capture.
Me being grateful, xenos not having 2 extra larva, me still existing.
If there are any more questions please send me a ping on the CM official discord, riot officer#0772


This round saw potentially the baldest, most retarded, most incompetent medics play in the entire marine force. We had the medic with a backpack and L42 who wouldn’t heal anyone unless they practically screamed, the alpha medic who ignored a dead and revivable bravo sitting outside of req to take a DNR alpha to alpha prep and revive him there and then completely ignored the dead bravo afterwards, then we have the people who ignored a dead marine sitting outside of the DS until he went fully perma. You were all terrible and honestly just need to re-read a guide to medic (not the shitty one on the forum that tells you to take 5 oxy injectors, a proper, good medic guide like destroks guide) and need to get robust with a buck shotgun too, not with the shitty smartscoped L42. I won’t name names but you should all be very dissapointed with yourself. All you coif and gas mask medics need to go back to training camp and learn how to heal


Holy shit. My commanding officer came into my barracks to bring me a MRE and I literally screamed at him and hit the plate of rations out of him hand. He started yelling at me in Marine Slang which I didn’t understand and I slammed the door on him. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to my superior officer but I’m literally in shock from the xeno hijack. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck are the marines losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt that the marines won’t rescue any survivors. I want a future to believe in. I want Wallace K. Haar to be president of the UA and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought we had anti air??? This is so fucked.


When the XenoCord sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you Greg. They’re not sending you Bob. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing shitter. They’re bringing LRP. They’re griefers. And some, I assume, are good players.


So a couple rounds ago i shot the fucking engineer, he wont stop being bald, you know me and i had to drop him fam
Ok seriously you denegerate, what the fuck are you even doing as an engineer? Did you read the wiki before playing even?
Even one time i am crit to shit but still dragging my ass to repair important cade that block the benos from spilling out from the flank and fucking charlie engineer just shot me with AP because he had SCOPE WITH AP and fucking killed me instantly.
Look… read the guides and wiki… if you can’t… go to school… im tired… everybody is… your role is protecting your squad and denying ways for the benos to attack… which is important. So please if you dont have that ability to sit for couple sec do this n that which benefit the rest of the players… this role is not for you and let somebody is do it instead… benifits everybody… the wiki for engineer: wiki/Squad_Engineer