ethan10000llahd for original (Whoareyouww for current) - Permanent Ban Appeal
What’s your BYOND key?
ethan10000llahd for original (Whoareyouww for current)
Character Name?
Ethan ‘Crusader’ Weiss
Type of Ban?
Permanent Ban
What is your Bancode?
REF-31MAY2023-C283SN
Admin who banned you?
Management Decision
Total Ban Duration
Permanent
Remaining Duration
Permanent
What other servers do you play on?
TGMC/Meranthe
Are you now or have you been banned on any servers? Which ones?
Very old paradise ban (2016), 1 week world server ban (2021?) Likely a few others that are also age old and forgotten.
Do you play using a Virtual Machine?
No
is your copy of Windows legitimate?
Yes
Reason for Ban:
Metagaming/metacomming, foul language/depictions of staff, consistent insults and bigotry towards both groups and players alike, all in a separate discord server (shepcord). There are much more specific terrible things than I could even imagine to begin listing.
Links to previous appeals:
(These are the two I can find immediately searching my key, but there are definitely way more.)
Your appeal:
I don’t even know where to begin starting this appeal off, except with an apology to the staff (and former staff) that were subject of most of the hateful remarks I posted on my end in that server (shepcord). The most targeted of such would be TheSoldierLLJK, Grimreaperx15, and Forest2001. It’s been a couple of years now, and I was really able to ruminate on the things I said, (especially whilst I am getting older myself and less home/much more employed and integrated with society).
A part of me wants to discuss them, yet given they were much more sensitive personal attacks, I do not feel as if bringing them to light at all would be of any respect in an appeal, as many of these remarks (especially towards Soldier) had both targeted and mocked sensitive personal issues that were happening in their life. (Though many of them were also false claims that sought to shock others and significantly defame/degrade the reputation of the three.)
There is absolutely no excuse I can make for these attacks, or even my other actions/toxicity in the time period, but I will try to explain how my mind was functioning at the time.
Around late 2022-early 2023, I was moving between two houses, recently made unemployed, and still an active (albeit groomed from childhood) participant of a near-neonazi roblox group (solencia), (which I had been in since 2018, though recently departed entirely from in early 2024 after years of mental abuse from the group owner.) I was entirely desensitized to the horrific words and slander that I often spoke, (as able to be seen in my notes a while back in 2022 as well). My mental state was rapidly deteriorating due to a lack of funds, near-crushing responsibility during the move, and the aforementioned mental abuse from those online that I thought were my friends, even if from other platforms.
I was filled with a lack of regard not just for others, but for my own life, feeling often nothing but hatred. This extended into my mentality when playing the game, solely viewing it as a combative pvp game like call of duty, instead of a more unique and nuanced experience with larger hints of roleplay.
I even played a character called ‘Inne Selle’, a play on the word incel, which further deteriorated the atmosphere around me in the game, and not just how I was oocly.
All of these mindsets and emotions eventually culminated into a growing affinity towards those of a similar mindset at the time in that discord server, and our disdain for much in life was centered towards the staff and game at the time, likely due to our proximity/focus of it, acting as the explosion of a catalyst. We played to rack up kills, to mess around in ways that negatively affected others, and overall violated the very nature of any rp-focused game (of any degree), by working together out of character to achieve these goals.
Whenever we were stopped in any capacity, or dealt any hand we viewed as even slightly an obstacle, we immediately took to lambasting any individuals we saw as responsible for it, a further display of our hostile nature at the time. I desperately wanted to fit in to this group, being the outcast I was for most of my life, thus I took to many opinions against my own gut, (albeit this gut feeling was one more so ‘would I get in serious trouble for saying this’, rather than based off any morality at the time due to my worsened mental conditions).
Since then, after the dissolution of that discord which occurred after the ban waves, contact has been ceased between me and most of its former members (except for medium salad every 6 months). I am no longer under the influences of that group of people, or the aforementioned one on roblox.
And thus, I’d like to get towards the future of that, -The present now- What improvements I have made as an individual, and a small bit of how I could contribute to the game/community and it’s atmosphere.
I’m actually employed again (at a coffee shop), and seeking to start college to become a radiology technician in August! (was originally going to go for nursing but cleaning up after people frequently scares me and I’m terrible at multitasking).
-I’ve taken a lot of great leaps since my ban, even learning to drive!
I started playing another game on byond, which is extremely writing focused (Meranthe), and I’ve learned how to become a much better roleplayer and writer. Before, I would solely focus on transfer of information or memeing and only caring about that, without any flair or nuance, but now I’ve grown in my writing capacities, to writing large multi-paragraphed walls of text with flashy formatting, witty wording, and much more relevance to the character I am playing, and scenario/environment I am in! If I am unbanned, I will likely be seeking to retire Ethan ‘Crusader’ Weiss entirely, and focus on making some actual characters within the corps. (I’m also very excited to test if I can embed any html in the little description boxes for images/sound if people do check those, though I’m not sure if that’s possible.)
Within that other community (and also a little bit from tgmc), I have also greatly mellowed out, being surrounded by all sorts of different people, and getting along with them respectfully. For IC endeavours, I have learned the importance of good story, and making sure that everyone feels valued in their pursuits of both playing a game or roleplaying. I really like to advocate for a fairer environment, and grander conclusions if possible. For OOC endeavours, I’ve become fully accepting of one’s innate qualities (such as race/disability/gender etc.) - To the point where I even felt weird having to write that for the context of this appeal, given my former actions. It actually hurts my stomach a bit, like it felt wrong that it needed clarification in the first place! Also OOCLY, I look for compromise and collaboration wherever I can, though I still do have some tendency to advocate or provide for people if I feel they are in an unjust situation. (Being transparent there, I am on my way to being nonconfrontational entirely, but not totally there yet!)
!!! I have also received a vouch from TGMC headmin ‘Barnet’, to advocate for the later end of this growth. !!!
And finally, the why of my desire to return.
Throughout the past couple of years, I have received many dms from many different people expressing that they missed me and wished they could play with me again. These are actually mostly people NOT from the shepcord, but rather more natural players that I meet in passing in discord servers for other games, and thus I have a small passing conversation with.
Initially, I felt like such returning was an impossibility, and would brush the idea off after a short reminiscing, but much more recently in the past year, where most of my growth occurred…
The interactions with these people grew stronger on me, and with all else that has happened so far, I felt like it wasn’t an entirely unachievable desire. Though, it is still one fueled by nostalgia and those lost friendships…
It’s a bit inherent to me after all, I have been playing colonial marines since I was 13 years old, and I’m 22 now. I practically spent the entirety of my teenage years with it as a go-to place to have fun and play with others, minus the periods where I was banned. I met thousands of people, and taught hundreds, as well as had countless friendships within the community.
It’s been a very wild ride, and I’d like to get back on it, (this time as someone who can actually drive without crashing into a ditch!)
For all of the memories, for the people that still stuck around, and for those that remember me too, good or bad…
It’s a sort of home in a way, and I’d like to come back, if I could ever be had again.
- Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I would like to once again reiterate my most sincere apologies to Grimreaper, Forest, and TheSoldier, as well as any others who were subject to the terrible things I said, especially in that 2022-2023 period.
(P.S. - You might see a lot of different keys associated with the cban having attempted to connect to the server- These are all keys I made during my playtime of Meranthe so that I may have multiple characters on that game, or keep characters that have died in the deathbox, so that I can still roleplay there. It’s not against policy on that game, but I often tried to connect back on CM with them either to show an example of the bancode to someone asking me to play CM with them, to appeal but was too tired to go through with it due to work, or to check if there was an unban-wave (being honest there)
I made these connection attempts with the knowledge (or at least near certainty), that it would not bypass the ban due to how permanent/sticky banning works, outside of an intentional unbanning.)
The list of these keys I currently have connected to on this PC are-
ethan10000llahd
EthanTheDoge
Whoareyouww
StormofBozos
Chungingus
EthanTheChungus
Vermilliongazillion
(And likely a few more that aren’t on the list currently, due to being forgotten after Meranthe character rebirth or death).
o7