Fuckit, we ball — Koishi Brand CM Fanfiction

A series of short unconnected viginettes.

Edit: why the fuck is the formatting like this


“Fuck.” I roll over, coughing, clutching at my chest, the steady thudthudthud of bullets keeping me low to the ground-

“Got lucky again… Why, the fuck, do these CLF bastards… Have sniper rifles…”

‘Cracked rib. Third from top, left-Fuck that hurts, where’s my medkit?!’

Something explodes nearby. Panicked chatter from fireteam level comms…

Hiss… A numbing spreads from my bicep out, as the burning in my chest turns into dull throbbing.


‘What the fuck was that?’

The injector goes back in the pouch, and I shoulder my M41A, slowly standing to look over the edge of the ditch I’m in-


“DIE IM-” I don’t let him finish.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHV! The rifle kicks, and I suppress a hiss as something shifts in my chest-

10mm APHE perforated the first guy, his buddy is still raising her rifle-

RAAAAAAHV! I track upwards a little and hit her in the mouth. Her head snaps back as she falls, rifle bouncing into the ditch.

“…ahk… Gahh… Auk…” She spasms there, bleeding, gasping, choking, eyes wide.

I flip to semi automatic, and aim carefully. RAHV!

‘Just… walk away, Shane. Walk away.’

Now to find the medic, get my ass back on the Almayer, and-


I fall into the ditch again-

Try and keep on my non injured side, get up Shane-


I can’t fucking stand up or I’ll get shot in the face-

“Bandages bandages, fuck fuck fuck! GAH, sonuva BITCHTIT!”

I’m… Okay. Hooh.

Hit in the shoulder. Penetrated the plate, and-ARGH!‘’ Okay, fine.

Can’t use my arm for now, and-

tirrrrrrrh! tirrrrh!

“…that sounds like a smartgun.” It’s coming from the other end, so it’s probably not friendly.

I key the mic with my good hand. “This is Carter. Do we have any smartgunners to my north around here?”

“Negative, negative, it’s a goddamn CLF smartgunner!”

What the fuck. “How in the name of God did they get their hands on an M56?!”

“No fuckin idea, just keep your head down!”

‘Left left left-’ I hear a small explosion twice, half over comms half in real life-

Maybe, I will stay here for a little while.


“Urgh…” Where the fuck, did I end up today?

I put a hand-oh, shit, can’t move em. Brig? Goddamnit, I’m getting my pay docked again aren’t I-

Carefully, I open my eyes. The hangover still hurts like a motherfucker-

“Hello.” I see one of the synths, her having turned to look at me. Apparently she’s giving me a piggyback ride to… Somewhere.

“…uh. hi? Where’re we going?” I grin at one of the other marines sitting nearby as we walk through the halls.

“Charlie platoon barracks.” She turns back around.

Eh, fuckit. Might as well pop a joke or two for the people nearby. “Ooh. I picked up a synth date while I was drunk?”

“Yes.” Wait, what-

Stop right fuckin there, what?! “I-wait, what, I was joking-”

“That, was a joke. Sergeant Davis has been teaching me them. I do believe I’m getting better at telling them.”

“…youuu motherfucker. Hah.” I can’t fuckin believe it. Nova, you got Alice to understand actual goddamn jokes? So worth the twenty, holy shit.

“Unfortunately, I currently lack the equipment to bestow on you motherhood.”

“Pfft-good God, you are getting better at telling them…”

We eventually come to a stop at the door…

“I shall leave you here. I should warn you, that much of your squad has suffered the same fate, and is currently resting.”

“Atcha. Thanks Alice…” Right, let’s see how many… Oh. Wow is that everyone?

‘Oh good lord almighty, that’s the fucking CMP. What’re they doin… Is that the SL? Damn!. I… Whew. Kinda jealous. Goddamn. Actual player. Okay.’





Right… Let’s see what we’ve got to work with today…

“What’s the situation, ARES?” I clamber out of the cryopod-

“…ARES? You, uh, forgot to wake the rest of Charlie.” I glance around at everyone else. We’ve got Squad 1, and that’s it.



“Hey, Carter. You reckon the pool’s still good?”

I turn around. Oh, fuck, it’s Dawson. Goddammit. "No idea, but either way I’m not joinin.

He grins, putting his hands on his hips. “And why not?”

“Dude, you’ve already fleeced the platoon of their wallets and a couple virginities, I ain’t a sucker.” I turn and go back to suiting up

“Pfft. Loser.”

“There’s a time for dignity and a time for not getting your ass beaten harder, man.” I fiddle with my armor, getting it to fit properly…

Whhhrk. whhrk. “Oh come on, not now-”

WHAM! I punch the vendor, and it spits out my helmet properly.


‘Whoa. Hey, nice!’ I look up at the ceiling.

“Thanks ARES!”

The squad more or less is just gossiping about what this weirdass wake could be.

“…heard some scuttlebutt about CLF making big moves…”

“…Union movements, maybe…”

“…some colonists’ sons…”

I slot a new battery and clip into my M41A, cycle the action, give it a pat…

Which reminds me.

“Heyyyy, Julia.” I lean on the doorframe of the medic prep room, suppressing a grin.

“…no. Fuckoff, Carter.”

…that’s… A bit more negative than I thought I’d get. “…I’m sorry?”

“…no. Just - give me some time, alright? I… Don’t know what to think.”

“…” I turn around, and get the fuck outta there.
=== End pt 1