GooglyFox - Synthetic Application

Whitelists Synthetic Applications
1

Synthetic Application - GooglyFox

What is your BYOND key?

GooglyFox

What is your Discord ID?

Dutchy#4523

Do you usually play a specific character? If so, who?

Freddy Linton, my most played, and usually only played character. Usually seen as Survivor, Staff Officer, or Corpsman. Rarely anything else.

What whitelist applications have you previously completed?

I have tried the Synthetic application around 3 other times, I am very committed to pass this application no matter how many times I’m kicked back down. I will keep improving for the better.

Synthetic Info:

Name of the Synth Character you wish to play:

Frederick

What is your Synthetic’s Personality?

Frederick is a more of a medical professional, and or protective unit than most. Passing off as a support if anything. Considering all lives of marines/survivors alike a sole priority for him.
Since he’s a Synthetic, they focus on preparing for a long day, mostly working with surgical tools, and lugging heavy medical equipment around, finding out what way to make shortcuts to cover more ground, tactically thinking of ways to make it harder for any enemy who crosses onto Marine grounds with field barricades, or administering medical aid in the heat of a battle, knowing where to back up, and retreat to apply aid to downed marines.

They strive to make the Marines lives easier. Either way, he is mostly attempting to do more in the technical or medical fields of knowledge.

Frederick has the need to save marines at all costs when it comes to him being in the middle of a battlefield, he will take a risk to attempt to save a life, as long as it doesn’t risk his own. He wishes for the best for all the marines he is there with.

Frederick works harder than most, and may seem forgetful of other tasks he had after seemingly attempting to do something else, however he will eventually get to their given task. He’s usually always trying his best to feel as useful as other synthetics that might have a better moral, and or personality than him.

How will they react to the different ranks of the USCM, what would they talk about in a one on one conversation? What are their interests? What is an advertisement logline that could be written for them?

Frederick, the synthetic has to firstly commune with officers with obligation, and obedience, and he is almost always glad to work with them as long as it’s nothing harmful. He is interested in always doing better for himself, and for the Marines.

Frederick is a field doctor, or support individual who always has an interest in keeping conflict to a minimum, and interaction with other Marines short. He’s usually sometimes talkative, attempting to usually strike up a conversation, unless it’s to talk tactically. Or helpfully. Either way, he’s as social as he is good at his job.

Say “Hello”, to Frederick, the synthetic doctor with a love for perfection, and or safety of Marines. He prefers always patching them up, or defending them with as many barricades as he can muster. The best of the best.

Weyland Industries. Here to give you a better world. And better employees, which is why we’re here presenting one of the technologically advanced Synthetics of our generation today.

Why do you want to be a synthetic/why should we whitelist you?

I am still trying to this day to do a Synth application, I would love for the new chance to roleplay as something else, and it would be a new experience. I sincerely wish to pass, but it’s up to you. I have also been vouched in the comments of one of my previous applications.

What is your most memorable interaction with a synthetic?

I remember back a while ago we were on big red as survivors, we held in the garage. I saw a Synthetic pizza guy, he brought a pizza in, but sadly it was empty. I don’t remember their name but I think that was pretty cool. Since then, I tried to be one myself, just for the new experience.

Synthetic Character Story:

Skills:

Engineering:

I’m very familiar with Engineering, good with barricade placements, repairing, and anything technical. Anything. I am pretty good at preserving materials when making cades in frontlines, but am a little rusty when it comes to secondary cades, and what armor to use on which cades.

Command:

I’m extremely good with Command, to call outs, orders, to watching for OB cords, and overwatch duties. I have a silver medal on Staff Officer, and know the OB operations, as well as enjoy calling out to the marines as their eye in the sky. Making confidential information for the marines.

Medical:

I’m very familiar with Medical. Up to Surgeries, and Chemistry. It’s definitely one of my main departments I do. I’m a pretty good combat medic. I have a bronze metal, which is close to being silver on corpsman. I enjoy saving lives, and making sure no marine is left for dead. Reviving all that I can get my hands on. Unfortunately however I am not too trained on SOME surgery instances, or emergency surgeries with the bayonet knife.

Requisitions:

I’m familiar with Requisitions, to the point of cargo requests, crate packing. Pretty much about it, except for weapon and attachment requests from the desks. I am not too sure of where to find what, and or where it comes from. If it comes from the lift, or a vendor that they have. I’m not too sure of it, but I’ll learn eventually!

What are some scenarios that you can perform combat in? Give us a brief example.

Some problems that would probably let me engage in combat would be defensive issues like if I was rescuing some random Rifleman from a lurker or runner on his own. Now while I can’t hunt the lurker or runner down I would be able to defend myself if any situation arises, but only when it comes to certain hostiles, as saving the rifleman is my first priority. I can attack them a few times to get them off, but then probably drag the rifleman out of there. But if they once again attack me, I can’t do much without backup, as I am not made to use weapons like marines are, or made to take a huge amount of damage for nothing. It’s the Marines job to kill the bugs, not JUST me alone.

Final Info:

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason? Do you have any active jobbans?

No I have not been.

Are you currently banned from our Discord?

No I have not.

Let us know why you were discord banned.

N/A.

Do you have anything else you would like to include about your application?

N/A.

2

The vouch I had previously gotten is in this application.

3

This questions refers to the name(s) you use while playing on Colonial Marines. Ex. Delta A.W. Morningstar.

1 Like
4

So I’m asking out of curiosity, and I’m no WL so feel free to ignore my question: how did you improve from your previous applications?

1 Like
5

Attempted to extend descriptions, and also not make my Synth not such a massive wildcard of jobs. I also made the story of mine hold more description, and dialogue.

6

When I was filling the application it asked if I played Xenomorph, I’m pretty certain. But when it comes to who I play, I play Freddy Linton. They’re my only, and most played character.

7

Are you ESL? Your sentence structure is extremely odd and too literal.

1 Like
8

Unfortunately, no. I just have a bit of a… Issue with sentences.

9

You should work on your syntax and grammar, there’s a lot of issues. Synths are expected to speak perfectly, we can’t have a synth speaking like an ESL. The ESL people on the WL (there’s a lot of them btw) all write English so well you basically cannot tell it’s a second or even third language for them. If they can put the effort in to become that skilled at a schizophrenic language like English, you can as well.

1 Like
10

I suppose so, but I only filled the whitelist out when it was around 2 AM or so.

11

Although he harms my beautiful made in america language with his harsh barbs I must second this.

I like the theme of your story better. I think you react more like a synth.

But your language is bizarre and worse than before. The GOOD news is that I think this is because of a style choice… and not soley your command of english. I think the crux of the problem is you made the disasterous choice to write your story in third person present.

At the best of times third person present sounds bizzare.

I think if you rewrote your story into first person present or third person past… 85% would clear up.

Aside from that arent merging things well; you use too many "and"s; and you need to reduce your amount of adverbs.

Personally you strike me more as a younger writer than ESL… but I proofread emails all day long from young people.

Try rewriting a portion of your story accordingly and report back if it helps/is easier. Maybe council will allow you to post a new draft.

1 Like
12

You show consistency in getting synth, which is a good sign. But I feel like there’re couple of shortcomings: your story feels like write and forget; and i don’t remember seeing you around much to see your competencies on support skills.

13

I see, I wrote the story when it was late, and I don’t think I looked back on my work when I did it. I’ll fix it when I can get to it.

14

I tried fixing it up a bit. Not sure if it’ll be enough though. I do hope it looks a little better.

15

Hi, I’ve been informed you’ve never reached out to the Synthetic Council or its Senator for improvement. You’ve made quite a few applications yet refuse to look for help when there are clear flaws that keep showing up.

1a - Your story has clear grammatical flaws, blair instead of blare and such. You should get someone to proofread it.

1b - Whilst I do not doubt your drive to play the role, I do think you should think about your Synthetic’s personality, maybe a movie character - a book character. I personally got Amira from watching “The Wire” and reading fantasy books revolving around law and justice.
1c - The combat answers are very generic, to me it’s almost like asking a CO “would you BE someone if they were massacring the ship?” or “would you pardon somebody if they were arrested unjustly?”

2a - I’ve never seen you around and I’ve been quite active in the last few days, if I’m wrong just try to interact with people. When you’re a medic try to say a witty remark, address people by their name so they remember you and such.

2b (nierautomata) - What is wrong with this cadeline and what would you do to fix it?https://files.catbox.moe/yphkj5.png

2c - https://files.catbox.moe/4n05wq.png

3 Likes
16

Hi, sorry that it’s taken a while to respond. I agree with Stalkerinos points above but would also like to elaborate on my own.

What Went Wrong

The personality aspect you have listed is not an actual true personality - it’s just a readout of what a synthetic is expected to do underneath that disguised as an attempt to do so. In your own words, it’s ‘passing off as a support if anything’ when all synthetics are a support tool, if anything.

Personality Section

This, for instance, is not part of a personality nor does it tell me anything about how they’ll act aside from wordlessly attempting to keep marines alive and play around mechanics only.

I am not certain what you mean by this. I assume you mean you are not going to suicidally risk yourself but it is also bad to put others in extreme danger and at great risk in order to save one person, no matter how unfortunate it is what happened to them.

For your story, most of it lacks any personality as above; it is primarily your synthetic being interacted on rather than interacting with the world. They are an object that fulfils requests and solely works, they are not an object that talks or has a discussion with anybody. In some scenarios, you will not be able too talk as a synthetic, of course, although that is not every round and you need to have an idea of what you are going to say, what you will talk about, and how you are going to say it outside of just responding “yes” or “no” to requests.

How to Improve

I can tell that, on some level, you are passionate about the whitelist and want it. Nobody would keep trying for it if they weren’t.

The only way you are ever going to get improvement and have a chance of getting the whitelist is to talk to the councillors - myself, as Lagomorphica on discord, Katskan, as kane2159, Katie, as the_biggest, QuickLoad, as quickload, and TaterTheTank, as taterthetank. You can also achieve the same by asking in the whitelist-app-help channel on the CM discord.

I suggest you withdraw with this feedback in mind, and try to work on your application rather than putting the same one back up repeatedly and getting ‘kicked back down’, in your own words. Your mechanics can improve infinitely but it will not matter if you cannot roleplay or interact with those around you. The only difference between this application and your prior ones are minute changes to wording.

Overall, I have to give my -1.

3 Likes
17

Nope, the very first sentence is weird. “As it is turned on manually in the hand”

Not to be rude, but do you not understand what I meant when I said third person present?

1 Like
18

Hey GooglyFox and thanks for your continued interest in the Synthetic Whitelist.

To start with your personality, I think you have too much of a generalized look with Frederick. Is he a protective unit or a medical professional compared to other Synthetics? All Synthetics are support. The life of allies is a priority for all Synthetics. All Synthetics make Marine life easier. All Synthetics will try to save Marine lives to a certain limit. USCM Synthetics will ALWAYS try to do the best they can to assist Marines in life or death situations. Working harder than other Synthetics means nothing because every Synthetic works at an extremely high level of efficiency. Every Synthetic always tries their best and … procrastinating is not really a good trait.

My point is, Frederick is not at all unique in the current way he is proposed here. He should be differentiable from other Synthetics.

I like your motivations and I have always thought that you showed a lot of passion in going for Synthetic. However, the dialogue in your story (and the writing in general) often reads in a very strange manner. It is just almost like how a person speaks but not quite. I don’t know if this was part of Frederick’s traits but it wasn’t listed as such. For example, “LT, I have done requisitions, Is there anything else you request me to do?” “I was only doing my duty LT. Mankind safety is one of my priorities.” These read ALMOST natural but they are unnatural enough where it would make someone uncomfortable. If you would like to incorporate this manner of speech into your quirk I welcome you to try but as a standard synthetic who is trying to blend in(no less, a generation 3 Synthetic) there should be impeccable speech which is 99.99% that of a human without any particular quirk attached. I also would’ve liked to see more dialogue, and there was often strange capitalization(or missing capitalization) in your story, among typos. The story was a good effort, but you could have refined it further.

The experience answers here are decent, I think you could have elaborated more. But they feel more fleshed out than before.

Your combat answer is more of a philosophical approach, I would have preferred to see you list multiple SCENARIOS as opposed to a single one and the different probable approaches you would take. There was also some dislike on the wording of “only when it comes to certain hostiles, saving the rifleman is my first priority” which almost implies that if the rifleman was not there you would attack them. Overall I would recommend you scrap your answer and implement a couple ingame, realistic scenarios.

So, next is vouches. Realistically at least a couple vouches are needed alongside observations which can both confirm your reputation as good standing - and your mechanical competency as advanced in all regards, being an important tenet of a Synthetic. We found that it was pretty unsatisfactory in this regard. I would like to encourage you while playing medical and command roles that you try to take an extra step in RPing with those around you. Leave a memorable impact and show off your competency by maintaining a great standing and doing a good job. Unfortunately, the application is denied but you can apply in 30 days (4/2/24).

I highly recommend you take a deep breath and work on this slowly. The reason for that is because proofreading your story and getting some more vouches would have helped you out enormously. Please don’t stay up and write a story then publish your application - its nonsensical because there is no deadline or due date. Think about what you want Frederick to be, and what kind of Synthetic you want to be known for. Craft a story behind it, work hard on mechanics and keep your passion. It all needs refining, and it will take time. Don’t rush the process because it is not going to do you or anyone else any good. I wish you the best of luck :slight_smile:

2 Likes
20

Added synth:denied and removed synth:waiting