Well so this is not the post I was expecting to make. I want to make one thing clear which is that this is not some kind of protest thing for me. Instead, I just want to explain why I’m disappearing.
I think the A.S.S. has a lot of support and people are happy about it, excited, and that is really good. Unfortunately for me, it’s decimated charlie and it’s lore, and those who play in charlie. Unfortunately so much of my identity and play is tied to charlie, that I simply feel all my rounds with this change have been soulless. I was so surprised by the support for the change (which is great!) that I think it is a sign that it’s not “them” but rather it’s “me”.
I think I’ve been very fortunate that the first squad I spawned into was Charlie, and I’ve had basically an outstanding experience in Charlie for years since then. So much so, that it became the entire part of my characters (and to be honest, my own to an extend) identity. This seems like its the minority, and that means that I’ve been really, really lucky. Unfortunately, this experience has become collateral damage within a popular change.
I’m not going to name any names because I will miss one, I am sure. But a massive thanks especially to all my fellow charlie mains. In my head, charlie will live on in Valhalla forever. And a big shoutout to all the XO’s and CO’s who’ve alternated between putting up with me, and supporting me over the years.
As a game developer in real life, i can say that my Charlie experiences have been some of the most profound I have had in gaming. For that, I am extremely lucky. Especially for them to have been so consistent, and for so long. I’ve had a great run.
In my heart I like to think that the test merge won’t go through, and that my beloved charlie will remain - but I think the reality is that CM has changed and I have not, and it is selfish of me to expect that a popular change won’t happen simply because I was lucky to find a squad that was home for so long.
EDIT: I forget sometimes, not everyone has the privilege to have developed a bond with people through something both ridiculous, but also intensely meaningful. This poem I came across in my time in the Military, I am often reminded of:
A moth eaten rag on a worm eaten pole
It does not look likely to stir a man’s soul
'Tis the deeds that were done 'neath the moth eaten rag
When the pole was a staff and the rag was a flag.
In my time, I witnessed many selfless acts of people risking or throwing away their round, to selflessly help others. People throwing others food. So many deeds that were done, not because of rules, not because of admins, maintainers - or managers - but because you cared about each other.
That is the special part of CM, for me. Those deeds, the bonds, are the memory and the best bits.
