Fax Responder Application - originalnaym
What is your BYOND key?
originalnaym
What is your Discord ID?
OriginalName8151
What is your timezone in UTC?
UTC -6
Player Name You Use Most?
Duncan Wood
Ban Appeals, Whitelist and Staff Applications:
N/A
Have you been banned in the last 3 months?
No
If so, why?
Have you read the role guidelines and expectations?
Yes
Why do you wish to become a Fax Responder?
I am I certified HRPmaxxer. I have 400 hours of MP because I prefer to spend large portions of rounds yapping over the radio with the fellas instead of actually shooting xenos. To play Fax Responder, one must simply understand that it is the final form of yapper-pilled HRPmaxxing. The man who chooses to spend his free time encased in a box answering faxes and filing paperwork must either have lost that which makes him sane or gained that which makes him HRP. I believe that is a burden most staff members, at least partially, wish they could allow to rest on the shoulders of another. Please take the short story below as an example.
Whenever I have to play MP, I must often engage with Marine Law (derogatory). Furthermore, on many an occasion I must ask that the presiding member of our noble Staff Corps also engage with Marine Law (derogatory) when Lieutenant Gorman, bronze medal Staff Officer, once again makes a hair-pullingly asinine arrest order ending in Marine Law (complimentary) descending upon him like a looming specter. Lieutenant Gorman will complain, as they always do. He will attempt to appeal to a shipside member of command, presuming incorrectly that the Commander is unaware of his sub-par knowledge of Marine Law (mixed opinion) and the disruption it has wrought. His appeal will be denied, of course, as it always is. And then the fatal words will slip out of the Staff Officer’s mouth.
“I’m faxing Provost”
The MPs will sigh, roll their eyes, try to convince him his efforts are futile, but the Lieutenant is relentless. He types, he types, Cheeto dust embedding itself on the keys with every button pressed. After 10 minutes, Lieutenant Gorman unveils his masterpiece. A ten page document of incomprehensible dribble with the occasional legal term thrown in, as if you tried to teach a baby English with nothing but a room of law textbooks. The online staff members begin to weep, for there is no question of and no escape from what is coming. An MP takes the fax, daring not to read it or let his eyes graze the pages for more than a few milliseconds at a time. He marches, dutifully, to the fax machine, as a Western Union Telegram reader would have marched to a new widow in the 1940s to inform her that her loved one has been killed on Okinawa.
The fax is placed in its resting place, and with a sickening series of beeps, it is instantly beamed into the eyes of the innocent staff members. Their eyes are melted instantly by the sheer asininity contained in the message they have just received, like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. As everything fades to blackness, the last ocular input the staff members are granted is a single, pink line of text across the bottom right of the screen
LOOC: Scott Gorman: lmao provost is gonna show up and dome all u stupid fucks
This is how I think staff members feel when people make them answer faxes and I’d lowkey rather do it instead. I dunno I guess I think I’d enjoy the more mundane work, sort of like MP but an even more stacked roleplay to mechanics ratio. With a little practice I bet I could work the paperwork system like an artist with a paintbrush or something. I’m out of metaphors now, but I wanna add that, in my experience, getting a response back for a fax appeal is pretty rare unless an admin online just feels like messing around.
What do you consider the purpose of this role?
Traditionally faxes get answered by staff members, but sometimes they aren’t around or don’t really wanna, so faxes go unanswered. Bad, right? No good. Fax responders are basically people who staff has determined are big brained enough to make the decisions behind those faxes instead or, if staff is making the decision, type it up all nice and pretty so the recipient shows it off in LRC chat after the round ends. It’s busy work but, like, it’s fun busy work. Makes the round funner, more HRP, all the stuff people talk about wanting in salt posts on the forums. And it frees up staff to do more staffy stuff while leaving John “Fax” Responder to handle the fax stuff.
What is your playtime in Command Roles?
50 (SO. Gonna have to hit a 25 hour training montage while waiting on this)
What is your playtime in Military Police Roles?
446 (393 MP, 43 CMP)
What is your playtime in Corporate Liaison?
8
What is your playtime in Civil Roles?
13
What, if any, is your playtime in Special Roles?
None yet, too busy MP-maxxing