The Almayer deepthroating incident

onetoughcreampuff · February 25, 2026, 8:55pm

i have not laughed this hard in a long time i wish i recorded this.

EDIT: I guess i should give context:

Medical rework TM went through, which importantly meant a few things: 1. Unga no longer works 2. You can now force your hands down peoples throats to force them to vomit.

Immediately upon the start of the round Aidel “Longarms” Curran immediately started shoving their grimy arse hands up everyones throats, which lead to others copying like Violeta “Liver tickler” and Foster “Stomache bug”. Unbeknownst to them, doing this was causing critical levels of liver damage. 5 minutes into the round suddenly a good 10 people suddenly clutched their liver and everyone in the almayer heard the simultaneous hurling sounds that ricocheted around the ship, and medical was swarmed with people with missing livers. It didn’t help that because of a bug, epi wasnt able to be injected. Meaning that for a good 5 minutes everyone who was being revived immediately had all their health washed away harder than a triple chain smoker. So NO REVIVAL POUCHES COULD BE USED.

On top of this people who didnt know about the change made unga and handed it out. Someone ( I don’t know who) convinced some schmuck to drink the unga and then ontop of this we had people who were being crippled by drinking entire litres of literal medical chemicals.

CIC made furious announcements to stop both the unga riots, and the stomach tickling but to no avail, so they deputised every enlisted officer aboard the ship leading to at max over 6 arrests and many wanted for non consensual throat violation. Briefing was pushed back to allow the swarms of medical to be cleared of the liverless.

Eventually we deployed at 0040 into the round.

We somehow minor’d that round.

DukeofCagliostro · February 25, 2026, 9:00pm

@slyoski got done dirty.

Jollefjoll · February 25, 2026, 9:11pm

I should’ve taken a screenshot of my little graffiti contribution just by the chemline.

lopz_174 · February 25, 2026, 9:11pm

Havent wheezed out loud at an ss13 round like this in a while

Furret · February 25, 2026, 9:12pm

Coder slipping in the ability to stick your fingers in other peoples mouths and throats alongside the medical rework

swallowedbyfate · February 25, 2026, 9:12pm

It was very funny making my SL vomit multiple times before we both realised I was killing him.

Then it just got even funnier.

luscao · February 25, 2026, 9:12pm

i can see the 30 ahelps about fingers and throats filling the records now

oh my god

agenttine · February 25, 2026, 9:13pm

I believe the Smartergunner perma’d in Medbay by like minute 15. A few others perma’d during the first enemy contact because of epi issues. Marines were also straight up murdering each other over the throat touching. I think like four people ended up being shot and killed.

Sapper · February 25, 2026, 9:20pm

throat goat aidel curran

pugie · February 25, 2026, 9:21pm

They kept trying to deepthroat me so I jackhammered them with my plastic instrument nonstop

lopz_174 · February 25, 2026, 9:48pm

sneaky_k1tty · February 26, 2026, 1:00am

I haven’t laughed soo hard at a post in a while my god what ive missed in such a short while

GODdudesoyeah · February 26, 2026, 1:37am

These are the sort of stories that get people to play ss13, amazing

Clockworks · February 26, 2026, 10:37am

I… I need therapy lopits. So many tickets.

BasilHerb · February 26, 2026, 10:54am

Can’t believe I missed an opportunity to deepthroat people, this sucks

IamDood · February 26, 2026, 11:29am

What’s the medical rework TM? I tried looking for it but can’t find it.

SamuraiSpork · February 26, 2026, 11:43am

github.com/cmss13-devs/cmss13

Medical Rework Phase 1 - Chemical Changes (#8991)

master ← Nihisohel:unga-man

opened 05:35PM - 05 Apr 25 UTC

Nihisohel

+1952 -1662

# About the pull request Adds a chemical delivery spectrum for chemicals, ens…uring that without using the proper delivery methods, lower potencies or even dangerous effects are delivered to the player as a penalty Autoinjectors are also given differing modes of injection to favor its use over pills # Explain why it's good for the game Being able to swig a cup of your favorite healing chemicals in one gulp without penalty is not a good gameplay system It is an incredibly gamified use of the legacy chemical system which modern CM is attempting to move away from. **This PR will add a chemical delivery method spectrum system** a bit similar to how TG has it, but a bit more nuanced than that These delivery methods are: **Controlled Ingestion** : Pill ingestions **Ingestions** : Food/drink consumption **Inhalation** : Smoke and gasses **Touch** : Self-explanatory **Absorption** : Through the skin absorption (think lotion) or intramuscular injection **Injection** : Subcutaneous or Intravenous injection **Implantation** : Deep, or steady forms of injections (IV bags would reflect this form of method) Each chemical has a preferred and undesired delivery method, and both can have multiple If the preferred is met, the potency of the chemical is not reduced If the preferred is not met, but is not an undesired delivery method, it will check how many steps away from the nearest preferred method and apply a penalty as follows If the preferred method is Ingestion, but the delivery method is Controlled Ingestion: **One step away from preferred delivery** - Lesser effect, where the chemical potency is halved **Two steps away** - No effect **Three or more steps away** - Apply overdose effects (If the improper delivery is already overdosed, it will upgrade to a critical overdose) If the undesired delivery is met (Example, Bicaridine undesired delivery is ingestion, and the delivery method is ingestion), it will similarly have the same effect as **being three steps away from the spectrum, resulting in an overdose** In essence, this PR will make an attempt to circumvent unga ingestion through flasks, but not through medical mixes through the reagent pouches which utilize the INJECTION method, ensuring that medics aren't harmed too much by this change To further incentivize the use of actual medical items, Autoinjectors are now rebalanced with two differing modes: **Precise** - Which allows you to use the injector while it is in your active hand, while also on the move **Fast** - Which allows you to use the injector instantaneously, at a cost of lower chemical potency due to its ABSORPTION delivery method (assuming the delivery method does not prefer absorption) Technically closes: #11607 Some changes not documented here will be documented in the changelog, check it below # Testing Photographs and Procedure It works, will need a TM <img width="387" height="76" alt="image" src="https://github.com/user-attachments/assets/ea4509a0-9dfc-42eb-908e-5904c8a58b22" /> <img width="477" height="64" alt="image" src="https://github.com/user-attachments/assets/f2b154d7-f19b-44b1-93bd-760ffe4777e2" /> # Changelog :cl: add: Chemicals now have their own preferred and undesired delivery methods, ensuring proper medical application while still retaining your favorite chemical mixes add: Multiple chemicals of the same instances can stack if their delivery method is different. However, it will only apply the best method if not the worst (overdose, improper delivery) add: balance: Vomiting no longer gives you 5 stacks of stun but gives 10 stacks of superslow instead with a single stack of stun balance: You can now force yourself and others to vomit if you use disarm intent while aiming at the mouth balance: Vomiting removes ingest delivery type reagents in your system balance: Normal Vomiting (Non-forcing) now heals your toxin damage on a random 5-20 heal rather than a flat 3 tox heal balance: Rebalanced autoinjector time based on medical skill balance: Autoinjectors have two differing modes for use: Precise and Fast balance: Autoinjectors can now be used while on the move with Precision mode, with a movement speed malus until injected, similarly you can do the same with other players balance: Autoinjectors can also be injected instantaneously with Fast mode, but with lower chemical potency as a result balance: Hyposprays need the proper skill clearance to be used balance: Bloodbags can now be connected to yourself, with a movement speed malus as a penalty fix: Syringes now update their inhands properly fix: Syringes now properly uses its delay when the target is using a suit fix: Refactors syringe targetting a fair bit fix: Fixes syringes deleting itself on harm intent armor deflection balance: Syringe do_after injecting applies superslow to the user and can be done while on the move, every other instance does not share this, however fix: ...and fixes a few other bugs present in syringe.dm, definitely not all of it fix: Cigarettes can now properly deliver into your bloodstream, with the proper delivery method, of course code: Slightly refactors how cigarettes are handled in the backend fix: Ethanol and other subtypes of alcohol should properly tick down your jitteriness stat (Although, it might not, but its not exactly something thats exactly prudent to investigate at the moment) code: About every chemical delivery method is no longer either INGESTION or TOUCH, utilizing the proper delivery method for its type in the chemical delivery spectrum code: Reorganizes a few chemicals into its own files and better repaths refactor: Deletes robodropper.dm and makes the industrial dropper a child of the dropper refactor: Makes the ld50 syringe a subtype of the syringe imagedel: Removes some redundant legacy bay syringe icons code: Kills a LOT of single letter vars, not all of it though /:cl:

Anuv · February 26, 2026, 12:03pm

I’m picturing this round and laughing despite not even playing at the time

ComboTombo · February 26, 2026, 12:56pm

Aidel Curran stuck a finger inside my throat and that’s when we discovered synthetics can vomit! Apparently it also dealt damage to the synthetic pseudo-liver. Third generation Lopez units are truly humanlike.

Ceyella · February 26, 2026, 1:57pm

Yeah idk why but everyone ignored them, they perma’d, I ahelped it, admins gave us the slot back, but they had disconnected by then. Admins said we could address the CMO permaing them IC, but given the chaos… i was like nah they were overwhelmed af and likely didnt know how to handle massive organ failure+death.