USCM Dossier - Haar, Wallace K.

— UNITED AMERICAS COLONIAL MARINES OFFICER CORPS DATABASE —

— General Info —

Name: Wallace Kelly Haar

Gender: Male

Age: 45

Rank: Lieutenant Colonel

Ethnicity: Boer American

Languages: Afrikaans, English

Height: 6’1" (185.42cm)

Weight: 195Lbs (88.45kg)

Birthplace: Phoenix, Arizona, USA, Earth.

Parents: Kerry J. Haar | South African Immigrant, Former USCM NCO [DECEASED] / Pamela Milaczch | United Americas Citizen [DECEASED]

Siblings: Sergeant Leonard Haar: Stationed on the USS Marlow [Presumed KIA], Corporal Oscar Haar, stationed on the USS Heart of Darkness as a Orbital Bombardment and AntiAir technician

Marital Status: Married to Lana Deach

Medical History: Diagnosed with throat Cancer, medication and supplements for treatment have been prescribed.

Notable Marks: One Medical Prescription eyepatch, Weyland-Yutani Cybernetic left arm, One Pair of Oakley ballistic shooting Sunglasses, black lenses and frame, one pair of standard issue ballistic goggles.

Likes: The left side of the Dropship, Brunette women, 20 Year aged TWE Malt Brandy

Dislikes: Tofu, Mess Sergeants, Arcturians
[/SPOIL]

— Service Record —

DD/MM/YYYY
04/07/2161 - Accepted into OCS
14/09/2161 - Commissioned as a 2ndLT onto the USS Lord Jim troop transport
12/10/2165 - 2ndLT Haar and an accompanying Marine Squad lead by Staff Sergeant Pete Saylor are sent to IO for Arcturian pacification, losing his left arm to an Arctura ripping it from the socket, 2ndLT Haar is promoted to 1stLT for his service and is given leave for recovery on an undisclosed USCM Orbital Hospital.
19/01/2166 - USS Lord Jim is conscripted into the Tientsin campaign following the destruction of the USS Shadow-Line and its envoy
25/12/2169 - Tientsin ends via nuclear bombardment from both sides, 1stLT Haar is promoted to Major to assist Humanitarian efforts with Colonel Quincy Hackett
23/05/2180 - Major Haar is reassigned to the USS Almayer under the Command of Colonel ██████ to assist with CLF insurgent forces, Colonel ██████ Killed in action, Major Haar is field promoted to Lt.Col by USCM HIGHCOM
XX/XX/2181 - The USS Almayer is sent to investigate a distress beacon on a Weyland Yutani Shake and Bake colony

— Disciplinary Record —

Has been seen attending multiple ‘Remember IO’ and ‘Archies aren’t our friends’ rallies in Vancouver, Canada, United Americas, placed on ‘Arcturian hate watchlist’

A copy of ‘Space Beast’ By Robert Morse seized by Military Police officers, put under surveillance for repeat offenses against the United Americas Printing Act of 2160.

— Relations —

Lana Haar - How’d a guy like me get so lucky.

Tio Briggs - He’s okay for a Charlie
Phillip Murray - We used to be caught in some bizarre love triangle with Satomi, what a time that was.
Archibald Cartwright - One of the few Tech Sergeants that do their job, couldn’t ask for anyone better.
Michael Fitzgerald - He has a thing for some vatie, hope it works out
Danny Stone - Someone needed to show Alpha how to handle firearms
Javon Newbern - A crack shot with an M4RA, they’re like a modern day Hathcock.
Erick Silva - Gung-Ho brick shithouse and that’s what I like about him.
Willy Red - This guy always smells off, like he just jumped out of a trash chute, good marine otherwise.
Thomas B. Strobia - One Dangerous S.O.B.
Kryth Kross - I think he left the Corps to work in the Three-World Empires Chinese Cartoon industry, hope he’s doing well
Alan Jones - My brother from another mother, great to share a cigar and a 20 year old malt whiskey with
Rob Warraker - He’s okay for a Welshman.
Jeramiah Jenkins - The best Mallcop the Corps could ask for
Herbert T. Beard - Okay for an Irishman
Connor Anderson - I remember when me and him managed to destroy a stray UPP carrier in the Neroid Sector, good times.
J.D. Bishop - Bish never takes that fucking mask off, imagine having to wear that during a ruck.
Dominic Powers - Powers has been a great source of income ever since his Rat Battle’s on the Almayer took off.
Harvest Singe - This segment has been paid for and endoursed by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Weyland-Yutani, Building better worlds.
Bob Shoe - One of the best gateway guards in the world, if only he didn’t shoot his pulse rifle at worms.
Karl Walz - Gave me the revelation on the brilliance of Cuban Cigars, haven’t stopped smoking them since.

Joey Capone - I did what had to be done on IO, Capone. Learn to accept that.
Maya Paprika - UPP Agent
Karl Karlsson - He speaks that made up language ‘people’ refer to as Chinese, he’s probably a spy.
Eric Overstreet - Has a soft spot for Arcturians, he’s probably spent all his shore leave money on the pleasure dome on them. It makes me sick.

Sofia Racic - Ex-Girlfriend
Johanna J. Jaakari - Ex-Girlfriend
Satomi Nishiyama - Ex-Girlfriend
Christine Kennel - Ex-Girlfriend
Mikoka Wei - Ex-Girlfriend
Zoey Dominguez - Ex Girlfriend
Nora Jewell - Ex-Girlfriend

ADDENDUM: As of 01/05/71 Lieutenant Colonel Haar, Wallace K. is presumed KIA after contact with ████████ on Oxley’s Butte, Raijin, Neroid Sector. Next of Kin have yet to be notified due to location within galactic space.

(IF I FORGOT YOU I’M SORRY, I WILL ADD U WHEN I CAN!!!) :DDD

15 Likes

They had to IED him, didn’t they?

No other way they could get him…

5 Likes

When will he become president and fix this broken country? :sob:

3 Likes

I am honored to be mentioned in this dossier. Haar died a hero killing 50 Arcturians. I witnessed it.

2 Likes

you hate mess sergeants :cry:

3 Likes

SO CAP you did not date Johanna J. Jakaari or Sofia Racic or Mikoka Wei…

also where am i dude WTF

3 Likes

free my neighbor soomis till its backwards :100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100:

4 Likes

Bro who is this generic goon :zzz: :sleeping:

3 Likes

A dangerous man near combustible containers.

2 Likes

I remember when Wallace ‘Kool’ Haar shook my hand that one time basically the best day of my life

3 Likes

this sucks im not on it

3 Likes

That wasn’t supposed to happen

2 Likes

you didnt add 8 of my other chars

2 Likes

this sucks im on it
(ex boyfriend please)

2 Likes

I did not know how much of a baller Wallace K. Haar was until I saw his ex-girlfriend count. :eyes:

1 Like

Again, as the player of Archibald V. Cartwright I am honored. Also, nerds recognize, this is a proper dossier.