Warfan1815 - Permanent Ban Appeal
What’s your BYOND key?
Warfan1815
Character Name?
Warris ‘Haig’ Fernsby
Type of Ban?
Permanent Ban
What is your Bancode?
Admin who banned you?
Smellyhippie
Total Ban Duration
Permanent (appealable after 180 days)
Remaining Duration
Permanent (184 days have elapsed)
What other servers do you play on?
PVE CM-13
Paradise (not for a while)
Are you now or have you been banned on any servers? Which ones?
I have not
Do you play using a Virtual Machine?
No
is your copy of Windows legitimate?
Yes
Reason for Ban:
Multikey
Links to previous appeals:
N/A
Your appeal:
I was in a terrible position march of this year, both within this community and without. The loss of my staff priviliges the previous winter had affected me more than it had any right doing. Eventhough I was so desperate to leave CM, because it simply served as a reminder of my personal failings, and no longer just a game for the sake of fun, I also was so desperate, then, to continue at it - to claw back some personal pride to detract from my personal failings. The result was a sort of mania, during those few beginning months of 2024, to (in spite of losing my admin position) keep at it, through discord activity, through finally getting CO WL and through a manic sort of development that progressively became less fun and more, as I now see it, a way to reclaim some personal pride.
The result, unfortunately, was predictable. On the 6th of March I, finally stretching my personal elasticity in this hobby to breaking point, snapped back from a sort of mania to complete and utter despondency. I thought, then, ‘I am finally and utterly done.’ The game, of which I had poured so much time into, over nearly 5 years, had become a thing I had utterly burnt out on. Not only because I had been so active, but because I had replaced seeing the fun in a game with critiquing it. From this critique, I had thought I could restore my pride in this hobby of mine by fixing it, however silly notions of pride in a 2D spacegame weren’t enough when the simple fact was I got into it for the sake of fun, and now I was not having fun. In such a terrible state of mind, I pulled both my moderator (Warfan1815 - Moderator Application - #16 by JediKing112) and my CO applications (Warfan1815 - Commanding Officer Application - #24 by Warfan1815) and, because I thought at the time I somehow ‘wouldn’t be able to resist’ trying to continue playing CM all the same I joined the server and asked to be permanently banned. Smellyhippie, the admin on hand, replied simply that CM doesn’t do bans on request, so, looking for the next best thing, I joined the server with an obvious multikey and telegraphed my rulebreak to Smellyhippie. I was banned.
I am still not able to fully account, within myself, what drove me to such drastic measures, perhaps it had as much to do what was happening in my life outside of CM as well as in it. The reasons I have just stated for why I did such a terrible, deliberate thing may seem silly and contrived, and indeed they are, but combine those with terrible things in my life generally and what may be silly and minor spirals into a general feeling within myself, at the time, of deserved self-destruction.
But, as half a year is quite a space of time, I would like to say (although it is up to you to judge) things have gotten better.
PVE CM13 has once again redeemed the uniqueness of CM in my eyes, and the destructive storm that was my life at that moment and time has passed, it is not within my capability to promise it shall never return, but as for CM itself it is beginning (once again) to prove itself as a fun bit of escapism, rather than as an extension of the feelings of the rest of my life. That person, who at once was ready to be done with CM, is now different. Perhaps a backslide is possible, but my aims in life and (within hobbies) are once again upward and forwards, not downwards and backwards. In CM specifically, the bitterest wound (me no longer being an admin) has healed with the passage of almost a year, though, if they shall have me, I would like to begin again.
My personality may always be prideful, and melodramatic, and prone to argument, and generally just stupid. The enemies I have stupidly made throughout my long and meandering time with CM may never tire in hating me, though it is now my sincere hope that as the years progress beyond this one they may. I am always working to improve myself, to be a better person, to never make the same mistakes I remember from my past. If you shall have me, I would like to begin again.