Alakaya - Synthetic Application

[Alakaya]

Synthetic Application - Alakaya

What is your BYOND key?

Alakaya

What is your Discord ID?

Alakaya

Do you usually play a specific character? If so, who?

Amanda Apone

What whitelist applications have you previously completed?

https://forum.cm-ss13.com/t/alakaya-synthetic-application/4477/25

Synthetic Info:

Name of the Synth Character you wish to play:

Jill

What is your Synthetic’s Personality?

Being that Jill was previously a synthetic that explicitly did welding and other types of repairs in extreme conditions, her adaptation to the USCM has been somewhat odd. She consistently attempts to do NDTs (Non-Destructive Tests) on parts of the ship to ensure their integrity while also trying to mentor the engineers and mechanics aboard the USS Almayer. While this isn’t a problem, it does make her stand out somewhat when compared to the personnel on the ship. Further, when they have been assigned to other tasks, they attempt to relate things to their specialty of Welding and Repair. For instance, they were recently assigned to do surgery on a Private that had been shot in the lungs from a negligent discharge. During the surgery, they claimed that there were several correlations between the surgical process and welding, for instance they stated that “Cauterizing the flesh is like welding a joint together. Except for the fact that it’s not metal, and I am not adding anything to it to reinforce it.” While this isn’t necessarily a problem, it may make marines feel like she is out of place.

How will they react to the different ranks of the USCM, what would they talk about in a one on one conversation? What are their interests? What is an advertisement logline that could be written for them?

Jill is a civilian synthetic that was repurposed to work for the USCM. They previously worked as a welder that handled jobs in extreme conditions which mainly consisted of being underwater and in other hazardous areas such as reactors.

Why do you want to be a synthetic/why should we whitelist you?

I have wanted to be a part of the synthetic whitelist for a while now, and I hope that I will be able to become a part of it. I want to be able to help inspire other players to apply for the whitelist as well, and to create memorable experiences for them that they can enjoy.

What is your most memorable interaction with a synthetic?

There have been quite a few, but recently I have seen an influx of new synthetic players, all of which have been doing great and have made the game more enjoyable.

Synthetic Character Story:

Jill Synth Application

Skills:

Engineering:

Familiar

Command:

Familiar

Medical:

Familiar

Requisitions:

Familiar

What are some scenarios that you can perform combat in? Give us a brief example.

Synthetics cannot actively seek out combat, nor use any firearms or supportive weapons. The main scenarios that they can perform combat in are in a self-defense scenario, but they must abide by marine law if it is a Marine, or a member of a non-hostile faction. Further, if a synthetic is on the frontline in order to assist marines, they may be somewhat aggressive in order to prevent threats from attacking them, while they are in a supportive role, for example if they were being attacked by a CLF member from a distance, they could subdue them before returning to assist the Marines in order to stop the attacks.

Final Info:

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason? Do you have any active jobbans?

EORG for attacking a cow with a lunge mine. Untitled_video_-_Made_with_Clipchamp_31

Are you currently banned from our Discord?

Nope

Let us know why you were discord banned.

N/A

Do you have anything else you would like to include about your application?

I hope that you will allow me this opportunity to create and play a memorable synthetic character within CM. I hope to be able to create a positive environment in the rounds that I play and inspire other players to try and join the whitelist. Thank you for your time in reading and considering my application. Criticism is welcome and appreciated.

[TheeBiggest]

Hello!

Can you provide examples demonstrating your proficiency in Engineering, Command, Medical and Requisitions? They are not “yes or no” questions.

[Alakaya]

Examples such as what?

For Engineering I am able to do all necessary tasks that one could need. From deconstructing walls and building barricades, to installing camera systems and repairing APCs.

For Command, I have played quite a bit of both XO and SL and I am confident in leading a group.

For Medical, I am able to perform several surgeries at a time, while also recovering the dead and keeping them stable if needed.

For Requisitions, I know what items come from which of the vendors, and what the essential supplies are for FOB, Frontline, and other types of supply crates.

If you have any specific questions relating to any of these, please let me know!

[HIDgamer]

Hello!

First of all, I would like to thank you for your interest in the synthetic WL.

Reading through your app and your Whitelist help questions, I can’t help but see that this app is extremely rushed and is just unfinished.
Your skill questions are nonexistent; they don’t explain at all what you can and can’t do in the specific roles.
Further more your combat answer also has a major mistake.
You said that if a synthetic is on the frontline they should be more aggressive in order to prevent threats.
As is, this part is very wrong; combat on the frontline is completely prohibited unless you are retreating and are being actively stopped, or you are corenerd, and even then, it’s still a gray area for synth combat.
Also, how will they react to the different ranks of the USCM, What would they talk about in a one-on-one conversation? What are their interests? What is an advertisement logline that could be written for them?

Jill is a civilian synthetic that was repurposed to work for the USCM. They previously worked as a welder that handled jobs in extreme conditions, which mainly consisted of being underwater and in other hazardous areas such as reactors.
This is not the correct answer for this question.
This question is about how your synth will talk/behave with the ranks of the USCM, aka, how would they behave with a marine vs a CO or an XO.

And as for your personality, it’s just not existant.
All synths are designed to be able to do engineering tasks such as welding and for working in hazardous environments where humans can’t.
Your synth personality is just not special.
Common advice for picking a personality for your synth is to think of a character you really love from a game or a movie, take inspiration from the way that character talks and behaves, and base it off on your synth. As for your quirk, try to think of a hobby that would go along with your personality, like a detective or a mechanic.
Your story, on the other hand, is well done; it’s format is nice, the characters are well written, and it focuses on showcasing how Jill interacts with others.
Also, the fact that you were banned for EORG doesn’t bode well for your app.

Overall, this app is not looking good. I will advice that you withdraw it, and relax for a month, build your reputation, and try again.
-1

[Alakaya]

You’re more than welcome to think as you please. The story goes into more detail about personality and the like on later pages. I decided to not put it on the application a second time to prevent people from having to read the same thing twice. AS for the questions regarding experience, I’d much rather prefer to be asked questions so that I can show my knowledge instead of just listing things.

As for it not being special, again, read the story. I had talked with Phelan on the discord and they encouraged me to go with this, as it was what I had thought about.

Finally, suggesting that someone rescind an application is rude.

Have a good day.

[c4xmaniac]

You should heavily consider HIDgamer’s advice because they’re being extremely nice.

@HIDgamer

Overall, this app is not looking good. I will advice that you withdraw it, and relax for a month, build your reputation, and try again.

I would go further and say you should take a far longer break than a month, more like 6-9 months. The game was far better for me when I took a 9 month break, as a personal anecdote.

In any case, I’ll repeat my sentiment from your last app. I hardly know you, but your reputation is poor to say the least. I’m more than happy to accept that people change and improve, but a month’s time isn’t going to fix it. The way you reacted on your previous app speaks very loudly, and saying things like:

@Alakaya

Finally, suggesting that someone rescind an application is rude.

does not help your case. I know it may seem mean or harsh right now, but this is HIDgamer being nice and asking you to not waste your own time. I do not think that you are willing to take the torrent of hate that synths get nor will you be able to cope under the pressure. Your current personality is not amenable to shrugging off apparent insults, let alone when people are actually insulting you.

[Oh_God_Help_Me]

All right, I’m no professional author, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I read through your story, and this is what I thought:

Cons

• Jill has no personality. I understand that she goes out of her way to weld and do other maintainence work, but she does this simply because she is programmed to do so, not out of her own desire. I will admit that this is a weakness of the robotic character by its very nature, though, so it’s not that big of a deal.
• Your story contains a lot of purple prose. I get that purple prose is subjective for a lot of people, but your wording really does disrupt the flow of your story at times. The line, “She knew exactly what she was going to bring as well as she had previously figured out the optimal equipment to bring which included several things.” was a particularly bad example. If you just keep it to, “She knew exactly what she was going to bring” you save yourself and your reader a lot of time. Remember, writers are lazy! We don’t like to write down anything that doesn’t contribute to the audience’s understanding of our story.
• Jill is missing the two key components of any character: a motivation and conflict. Your character needs to have a reason she’s fighting for the USCM beyond just “I was sold off by my owner”. Why did the USCM hire her? That could be a good place to start off. And more than that, she needs to struggle to realize her motivation. Jill in your story never struggles, as far as I can tell, and this robs your story of any tension it could have.

Pros

• You did your best with what you had. Robots, by their very nature, are very difficult characters to write because they often lack the capacity to feel emotions, thus robbing them of the ability to have a motivation. Writer’s often get around this by giving robots emotions anyways, but I can respect your desire to work within these limitations regardless, and what came out wasn’t half bad at all!
• Formatting. Seriously, it’s great. Feels like I’m looking at an authentic government document, which I’ve seen lots of.
• Welding. I’m going to be frank. It’s not a personality. At all. That’s like if I said Gandalf’s personality was that he was a really good wizard. That says nothing about who Gandalf is as a person. Regardless, I can tell you did your best to give Jill a personality within the limitations of the prompt “Welding”. She goes out of her way to weld and relates what she does to the act. That’s about as much as you can do with that sort of prompt. That being said, I would have liked to see you go one step further with that idea. Why does she want to weld? How does it relate to who she is?

Result

Your story has a lot of flaws, but given the fact that many of them were because you arbitrarily restricted yourself to just “Welding”, it’s actually pretty great for what it is. As such, I’ll give you a tenuous +1 for now, as I still need to see if your performance in support roles.

Tips

• Jill’s story is actually built on a great idea as it thrusts Jill from a simple civilian welding job to a action-packed, hectic career in the USCM where she will need to develop more skills beyond just welding. This is the basic premise behind the Monomyth, the basic structure of the vast majority of folktales all throughout the world and history, and even the structure of many Hollywood movies today! Here is a chart about what exactly the Monomyth is and a video from TedX that really dives into this.
  
  https://youtu.be/Hhk4N9A0oCA?si=rRL_odEiZPkU4dsH

[Alakaya]

I really appreciate your criticisms. They will help me to better form a personality and better write stories as well. I do plan on constantly working on Jill as a character as well, writing small stores based on in-game rounds and what not. Possibly even writing about special events, such as Greenshift rounds and the like.

I have struggled with writing Jill though, I will admit. I’ve always been under the assumption that robots, and synthetics for that matter, don’t really have free will. That they instead do things based on importance and what not. Like, saving a life would be more important than cleaning a floor. ETC.

Lastly, with making it more interesting and what not, I do plan on doing so. I have just been struggling. The reason I even chose welding is because it is my IRL profession. (I Really don’t have much of any creativity.)

[Oh_God_Help_Me]

I feel you. In terms of discovering your character, Zhu Cijue is much the same way. I simply took a blueprint of what wanted in my character and thrust him out into CM to develop as time went on. This is what is called “discovery writing” and is a legitimate strategy to write a story, but it has many flaws that you should watch for. For one, they are prone to plot holes and contradictory development as you forget certain details as you write the story. In CM, though, being MRP, this isn’t that big of an issue.

And don’t worry about not being creative. I am a (wannabe) historian. We are one of the dryest professions out there, lol. Even so, I think you may be overexaggerating your lack of creativity. Western culture has a bad habit of conflating creativity with originality, and whilst originality is nice, it’s not the be-all-end-all of creativity.

Fun fact! This stickman with a longer left arm than a right arm is original! But is it creative?

Don’t think of stories as making something from nothing. No work of art is original. Learn from other stories what gives them their appeal and what the author is trying to do, and you can become a great writer. Don’t let the fact that you’re a welder prevent you from learning to love something else. In fact, you can combine your knowledge of welding to make a really compelling character!

My DMs are open if you want to ask me about anything.

(Forgot to say, but feel free to leave out EORG bans in the future. They happen automatically and with no moderation, so unless they happen excessively, nobody will really care.)

[stalkerino]

-1 I genuinely can not care about how good you are at medic, engineer or doctor - or how good you are at writing stories when you are so aggressive. It’s overly defensive, you’re not on trial and this is just a game.
You haven’t heeded any warnings from your past applications, community interactions or this application

@Alakaya

Further, if a synthetic is on the frontline in order to assist marines, they may be somewhat aggressive in order to prevent threats from attacking them, while they are in a supportive role, for example if they were being attacked by a CLF member from a distance, they could subdue them before returning to assist the Marines in order to stop the attacks.

I don’t think this is right at all.

[IowaPotatoFarmer]

-1 from me. Basically what HIDgamer, c4x, and stalkerino said, I’ve seen some other stuff myself as well.

I really don’t think the kind of images and things you posted, and I’m fairly sure still do post even if in a lesser capacity, on the Discord inspires any sort of confidence in me that you’d be a good addition to the whitelist.

Don’t take good-natured feedback as a personal attack, just take a break and try to understand what everyone’s trying to tell you. This is strangers responding to your application for a role on a niche hobby game.

[Alakaya]

From what I understand, it is correct under the Synthetic guidelines. It states “If the threat is non-human or from a hostile faction, such as the CLF, Marine Law does not apply to them, so the synth can subdue or even kill them if necessary. However, synths are unable to perform active combat duties and will not perform combat specific orders, meaning they must not actively engage in combat unless in self preservation or in the defense of a USCMC Personnel”

[slyoski]

Specifically in this case, I (personally) would alert the marines to the hostile contact and where it was. Going out of my way to (you specifically mentioned) subdue the target is a bit of a stretch, and may very well be seen as walking the lines between what a “combat synthetic” is and isn’t. I wouldn’t put very vague, grey zoned areas as my answers.

While I’ve got nothing against you, your personality is overly aggressive both in game and outside of the game. It is evident in the Discord, and your past applications. Everyone gets frustrated, and I understand defending yourself on your own application but there’s a very big difference between humility and hostility.

Sorry, -1 from me. You could be the best engineer/medic and I still wouldn’t see a fit for the WL. I understand that’s a big portion of their jobs, but I love interacting with them. I just don’t see myself doing that here.

[Lagomorphica]

@Alakaya

Further, if a synthetic is on the frontline in order to assist marines, they may be somewhat aggressive in order to prevent threats from attacking them

@Synthetic Programming and Guidelines

Should a Synthetic Unit be present directly on the frontlines, additional self-preservation laws are activated to prevent the loss of the Synthetic Unit. These laws prevent a synthetic from actively attacking enemy combatants while stationed at the frontlines. During this time, the Synthetic Unit should be making it their priority to heal the wounded and drag others to safety. If a Synthetic Unit is actively assaulting or killing enemy forces in frontline engagements, they will be terminated and their parts salvaged for other unit repairs.

Your answer states you are on the frontline and that you would be somewhat aggressive. It is word for word against programming and synthetic guidelines.

[candycornformore]

Hello Alakaya!

Do take what I say with a grain of salt, I’m not exactly a WL holder but do I want to see if I can give some advice from what I know to help you improve!

For starters, you’ve expressed before that you’re always looking to improve, which is great! Determination to improve can be a great motivator to well, improve! Hold onto that will and you’ll likely see some improvement on a next application if written!

Personally from what I’ve seen based off of your application and other peoples replies, your application could definitely use some improvement which is fine, we can all improve in one way or another!

Many people have said it before but it always helps to have another voice remind you, having a unique personality goes very far in developing good roleplays in-game, try to find some kind of hobby or interest that you like and try to apply it to your character, do you like cooking? You can apply that, fishing? Teach people about the different types of fishing lines and baits they can use, it’s always good to get creative and to have fun with it in the process!

Reading off from everything you said, people can always improve and I think you do want to improve as well, just give yourself a few months to relax and if a next application ever comes around try to better improve your answers, you don’t have to be SUPER wordy but just put some additional details and better accuracy for the current question you may be answering.

Additionally, try to read up on the synthetic programming guidelines, marine law and if you haven’t already (I hope not!) the rules as well, even if you have already read them, re-reading to get a refresher is always a good idea and can help better your understanding of providing thought out and good examples when trying to find an answer for synthetic related questions, like combat scenarios or scenarios a synthetic might find themselves doing in medical, or requisitions or any support role!

Finally try to build yourself a good reputation, just overall politeness and being kind to one another goes extremely far in allowing people to appreciate you!

I wish you good luck in your endeavors and hope to see some great improvement, everyone has the ability to improve themselves and I’m confident with enough time you can make a great WL holder!

TLDR: Hold onto your passion, read up on synthetic programming and marine law and strive for a better application while finding a personality you might like!

[Alakaya]

Apologies for the late reply, but it states in Synthetic Programming and Guidelines that “If the threat is non-human or from a hostile faction, such as the CLF, Marine Law does not apply to them, so the synth can subdue or even kill them if necessary. However, synths are unable to perform active combat duties and will not perform combat specific orders, meaning they must not actively engage in combat unless in self preservation or in the defense of a USCMC Personnel.”

In this case, it would be in both self-preservation and defense of USMC personnel. If this is over-ruled by something else, please let me know. Thanks!

Edit: Apologies for the late reply. I was out visiting family for thanksgiving.

[QuickLoad]

Hi Alakaya, thanks for your interest in the Synthetic Whitelist!

Generally speaking, your Synthetic’s personality has a high chance of conflicting with Marine Law in terms of attempting integrity tests or, worse, being completely irrelevant because very few COs/CEs are willing to go into those boundaries. Furthermore it would not be a fantastic quirk as you will find it difficult to often apply this into standard games, where you would likely be asked to deploy in a medical support effort. The specialty to welding/repairs is fine and correlation dialogue is also fine. The quirk overall needs improvement.

The story is not a very good read in terms of flow or entertainment, and only shows a rudimentary understanding of Jill. There are capitalization typos which you can remove via proofreading, but the dialogue is there at least. The second story was not a great read either - overall I think you can improve on your story content when you rework your quirk.

Even taking into account your comments, your experience answers are completely lacking in substance. I would recommend that you try to add more content and just elaborate on what roles you did, what you enjoy out of those roles, if you feel confident doing all aspects of it, etc. You can always elaborate more. Just “familiar” is not acceptable.

Your combat scenario is too niche and quite lacking. It is just unrealistic to list it as the only scenario which you might encounter the usage of combat. Furthermore, the notation of aggressiveness on the frontline is a bad sign, and this part of the application would be unacceptable.

Lastly, we struggled to observe you in relevant support roles. While we saw you in lower leadership roles time to time, these are not the most pertinent to Synthetic and we were not able to get an understanding of your mechanical competency.

Overall, the status of the application coupled with the vouches here and our observations mean we must deny this application, but you may reapply in 30 days.

If you choose to reapply, we would like to recommend you rework your personality, refine the story, refine the application and spend time in relevant roles to gain a good reputation and positive vouches!

Happy Holidays! Best of luck