After the great success of Totally accurate Hospital Corpsman Archetypes, and getting the synthetic whitelist, I’ve decided to do the thing that everybody has been waiting for. You’ve been sitting in your seat, checking #forum-posts every DAY, every single time the CM round is over you hurriedly minimize the tab in order to open discord and check that blessed channel. That or you open a new tab and quickly type in the URL for the CM-13 forums. But thankfully I’ve come to deliver the most honest, groundbreaking, list of stereotypes for the special snowflakes of the Almayer known as Synthetics. As always, please keep in mind that this is purely satirical and should not be taken seriously, they’re called stereotypes cause they’re overly simplified and not at all reflections of how synths act in game. Now I know alot of you reading this are probably new to the game, and y’know, synthetics are a rare sight to see cause uhhh ummmm
In order to remedy this, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to tell you all about synthetics and what they are!!!
A Synthetic is a biomechanical humanoid that closely emulates humans in appearance and actions; however there is one key difference synthetics aren’t affected by emotions in their decision making. Due to emotions not having an effect on them, synthetics have been seen as more reliable in high stress and dangerous environments, such as aboard a military vessel. A medical or xeno hud will show a grey box with a “meh” face inside of it.
Synthetics are split between First generation, Second generation and Third Generation. First generation synthetics are usually known as “Working Joes” and have more health and damage resistance then their later counterparts due to the more rugged materials they’re made of, additionally leading to them being slower than newer manufactured models, as well as being insulated. However due to their more robust nature their computing is lacking in some skilled areas. Sadly this generation of synthetics have mostly been phased out by the second and third generation and are only seen on colonies.
Second generation synthetics are made out of more refined and advanced materials so that they may blend into a ships crew with a human appearance, however due to the priority for second generation synthetics to fit in amongst humans the materials used are less rugged and as such they have less health and damage resistance but they make up for it in their wide array of knowledge and skills.
Third generation synthetics are similar to Second generation synthetics mechanics-wise. Unlike the Second generation synthetics however, Third generation synthetics use more advanced synthetic material to allow them to appear more human-like, using regular skin tones of a human person.
Synthetics are forbidden from all forms of ranged weaponry, such as rifles, shotguns, pistols, etc, and this rule is mechanically enforced as all guns will not fire in a synthetic’s hands. This also extends to things such as grenades, machine gun emplacements, weapons mounted on a ship, and the mortar. Generally, the only self defense option is melee, which allows them to defend themselves in the situation that they or an ally is in critical danger.
All Synthetics are built stronger, faster and more durable than the average human. This allows Synthetics to perform in environments and situations more hostile than most humans can tolerate. They are immune to most atmospheric issues, resistant to damage, can be repaired to full functionality even from head loss, and can be revived with a reset key. In practice, a synthetic is repaired the same way as synthetic limbs; using a blowtorch to fix brute damage, and cable coil to fix burn damage. No training is needed so any marine can help. Lost limbs are fixed with limb surgery and are performed like normal human surgeries; however anesthetic cannot be used on synths. Generally, Synthetics have 100% understanding and adherence to Marine Law, in short, they are unable to break marine law. Synthetics are programmed to obey all USCM Commands that are issued by a Commanding Officer, as long as those orders don’t conflict with Marine Law. Synthetics are programmed with the ability to understand and speak any language after being in its vicinity for a short duration. (In-game this means the synth player will RP slowly learning a language, for example slowly learning how the xenos communicate.)
Synthetics are forbidden from firing any weapons (they are restricted mechanically from doing so). However, they are not opposed to other humans harming/killing others provided it follows Marine Law. If there is a threat within the bounds of Marine Law, they can physically defend themselves or other innocents by subduing the threat (They may uphold Marine Law). If the threat is non-human, or a hostile Faction, Marine Law does not apply, and so the synth can subdue or even kill. Synths are unable to perform combat duties and will not perform combat specific orders. (ie; Ordering a Synth to equip melee weapons to join an assault with Marines)
So thats about it for what a synthetic is, I tried to make it short and concise so people could get to the good part faster!!! But before we go on I gotta say that the reason this took so long is that I’m moving to a new place and things have been hectic in my life. It’s… sigh… not anything you guys need to worry about but things have been rough and it doesn’t help that I’ve not gotten used to my new place. Ontop of that I’ve recently undergone surgery for my leg and so I’ve not been able to really play CM alot unfortunately, so sorry guys for the delay and how long its taken to get this out. So without further ado…
Well first I need to talk about the sponsor of this forum post, Souto!!! If you’re looking for a refreshing beverage perfect after a long day of killing xenomorphs then you need to try Souto. I always drink a can of Souto right before I head into the dropship and lemme tell you the difference has been night and day. Previously I kept getting lunge spammed by 3 young runners but once I tried Souto I’ve always managed to hit that perfect PB every single time. With Souto there’s nothing you can do, and with 8 unique flavors, theres something for everybody! So yeah, next time you’re thinking about what to drink, go ahead and try a nice can of Souto, and when you use code souto4life at checkout you can get 10% off your order!! It also supports me, and helps me keep making this forum posts. Again thanks for sponsoring this forum post, and now back to it.
So before I start talking about these stereotypes, I wanna shoutout a few people like Forest for uhhh uhmmm and also thanks to Biolock for uhhhh and also Nessie and uhmmm Bancrose as well as Lopits for errrr. I also wanna thank my friends and family who have helped me every step of the journey along this path.
Okay sorry for all of that guys I just really need to get it off my chest so without further ado, lets go over some synthetic stereotypes!!! So the first stereotype I have is called ‘the synth’, they usually are super happy and end every sentence with an exclamation point. They’re also super like uplifting and awesome and tell you that you’re doing great. Just like, don’t mess with them cause then they’ll drop character and murder you or something. The second stereotype I have is ‘the neverplayer’
they uh
they uh have the whitelist
you dont really see them alot, maybe one round every couple of months
like has anybody seen Waiko or Autumn recently
no seriously i have something important to tell them
Okay guys that’s gonna be all for now! As usual these are meant to be taken as a joke, please remember to not harass people or something!!! See you guys next time when I talk about XO stereotypes (real)