Last week, I took a Cow from groundside to shipside after suffering a head injury. I broke into the COs office, put the cow in the big chair ™ and headed to CIC. There, I insisted to the CO that a member of High Command - a Major-General Malorie Olaf Olera - had come to visit on important business. (After a small chat in the office, CO ordered me to make steaks out of Major-General Malorie Olaf Olera as an NJP)
Last night, the scout spec looked like he didn’t have feet cause of how the blood looked on his shoes, so I told the DCC “no feet” and pointed at the scout. DCC - without missing a beat or checking the Scout’s feet - takes the scout off the DS, making him miss deploy.
What y’all got?
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One time when I was new to CM, I just learned that grab mode pushes people and the lifeboat doors had this glitch where they’d stay open…
I think I got 6 people.
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Grabbed the long form contract of the NDA as the CL and changed a paragraph in the middle such that it didn’t allow command to fire OBs “legally” in the buildings of Kutjevo Refinery because of “colony asset preservation” so when I heard they were coordinating one I ran to the CO and showed them the paper that HE signed, they fired it anyways and I spent the rest of the round running around saying how I was going to sue. At the end nothing happened but I had some fun. This was like a bit more than half a year back.
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The MT gang tells no tales.
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When I was learning how to be a medic I thought 1 unit equaled to 1 pill. You can kinda guess the rest
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Gas bombed brief twice with LSD and once medbay, 600u each
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Reminds me of the first time I rolled nurse. I learned Quick-clot will cause successive heart attacks until death if ODed on. So I just went around asking if marines wanted “candy” and fed them 3 QC.
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I got a little mad that Burnsides, an MP was in a wheelchair unable to do his job effectively.
As the CMO, I decided to replace all his limbs with their robotic counterparts. Robocop Burnsides was a good one…
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Every once in a while, during a cluster OB, I’ll admin-bomb someone just outside the cluster’s radius; they never see it coming.
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((It’s only a joke for Staff Report Reasons))
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This thread had made me realize I have had a relatively uneventful career in CM. The closest thing to a prank I’ve done was feed literal sugar pills to some MST who kept asking me for LSD.
Maybe I should roll OT and bypass the explosives safety to maxcap the CO during brief?
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For legal reasons, the above post is a joke.
i accidentally fired the OB and blamed the XO
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My lawyer has advised me not to say anything for fear of a ban. You need to subpoena me.
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Sam, bad move. Wait for the subpoena you have a mentor application up.
The day the MST was being a tested role all those years back, I got the role that round. I got a doctor to inject space drugs into all the food and mix some into the drinks, left to give food to CIC. I came back to MPs arresting a PFC who was trespassing in the kitchen who was cooking while I was gone. He got blamed for the spiked food. Noone questioned me or anything.
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I did this back when my synth app was up 
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You absolute mad lad. God speed.
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